Things were going super well and you were pretty sure you were headed towards a serious relationship… but now suddenly, he’s not all that into it (or you). WTF? Guys don’t suddenly change overnight, so if he lost interest, it’s probably been building for a long time. Here are some signs it might be happening and why.
Signs he’s no longer feeling it
- He sends you one-word texts (when he answers at all). While nothing beats in-person conversations, when you did chat via text, he was always pretty forthcoming in not only reaching out first sometimes but in sending you thoughtful, occasionally lengthy messages. These days he can go ages without responding at all and when he does, you get an “ok” or “cool.” It’s clear he’s lost interest.
- He’s not bothered about hanging out very often. You used to never leave one date without making plans for the next, but now he’s non-committal about when you’ll get together again. Basically, he’ll see you when he sees you.
- He never asks you anything about yourself or your life anymore. He used to want to know how your day went and what you were like as a kid and where you hope to be in five years, but not anymore. He rarely asks you any questions about your life or about who you are deep down because he no longer cares.
- He never seems to be paying attention when you talk. Sometimes you feel like you’re talking to a brick wall. Whenever you talk to him about anything, he gets a sort of glazed-over look in his eyes and totally spaces out. More than once you’ve had to nudge him to get his attention back on you because he’s just constantly distracted. Ugh.
- He’s showing interest in other women. For a while there, it seemed like he only had eyes for you. He was absolutely nuts about you and couldn’t stop gushing about how much he liked you and how he couldn’t believe how lucky he’d been to meet someone like you. That’s all changed now. You catch him commenting on other women’s Instagram pictures and you even realized he’s active on dating apps again. What the hell?
- He’s suddenly a commitment-phobe. When you met, he swore he was looking for a long-term relationship just like you. He wanted the real deal, to be with someone he could build a life with. However, he’s clearly lost interest in that now and whenever talk about relationships comes up, he acts like he’s never wanted anything less.
Why he stopped being into you out of nowhere
- He’s been unsure for a while now. It might seem like he was really into you, but deep down he wasn’t really sure if you’d be a great match. He was probably trying to be positive, thinking his feelings would eventually work themselves out. They did, just not in your favor.
- Something happened to make him bolt. Before you think that you did something wrong to put him off, understand that you can never put off a guy who’s really into you. Then, remember that the thing that made him change his mind could be something really small that you can’t control. It’s all going on within him and it’s not your problem to deal with.
- He didn’t actually want anything serious. He seemed to want something serious, but the truth is that he actually didn’t, so he freaked and pulled the plug when things got a little too real. It may have started out innocently enough and he may have actually thought he did want something serious, but it’s pretty clear he didn’t.
- He was playing you all this time. If he’s been dating other women, that can be why he has gone AWOL on you. If he’s that much of a loser, you’re better off without him and you’re lucky you found out now, before things went any further.
- Your vibe sort of changed. It’s easy to feel carefree and fun in the early dating stages, but then after a while, you can’t help but get a bit more serious because you want to know where you stand. There’s nothing wrong with this, but it can make guys feel that you’re getting too heavy. Again, it’s because they’re cowards or commitment-phobes. A guy who’s really into you will want to give you clarity and security.
- He could see you wouldn’t fall for his crap. A guy who’s emotionally unstable, a drama king, or a player will try to get with women who are blind to his negative traits and who will accept getting dumped with all his baggage. He saw that you’re above all that crap, so he didn’t want to waste his time.
- He couldn’t meet your expectations. His pride prevented him from saying that he can’t be the type of boyfriend you want or need, so he’s backing out instead. Honestly, that’s the best scenario. You don’t want him to stick with you and then disappoint you later when he shows his true colors.
- He only wanted sex. This is the classic move. A guy shows mad interest in you and then after getting sex, he bolts. He was really only looking for one thing and decided that he didn’t need to stick around after getting it.
- He was just after the chase. Some guys hit you hard with their efforts to pursue you, but then once they get you, they feel it’s a big anti-climax. This is Mr. Chase. He’s super charming and into you, but then once you enter into a relationship with him he starts to appear disinterested. He’s already looking for the next big chase and excitement.
- He was still on Tinder. If you went on a few dates after meeting on a dating app like Tinder and then the guy bolted from your life, it’s possible that he was still on the app and met someone else. He might be the kind of guy who keeps his options open and gets swayed by other potential GFs. He’s always thinking there’s something better out there, but honestly, this type of guy ends up alone.
- He still has feelings for his ex. You might have missed the signs, but they were probably there. If he got with you shortly after his traumatic breakup with his ex or he was often mentioning her (red flag: he got emotional talking about her on your first date), he might have decided to go back to her for another shot, leaving any chance with you unfulfilled.
- He was only interested in himself. A guy can lose interest in a woman he’s dating if he was never really interested in her to begin with. If he was always talking about himself and not really focusing on you, he’s clearly the type of guy who wants all the attention, and then when he’s had his fix he’ll move on to another woman who will hopefully give him attention all over again. What BS. The good news is that it’s not about you at all.
What to remember if the guy you were dating lost interest out of nowhere
- You don’t need to change yourself. Just because he decided he wasn’t feeling it anymore doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. The lesson you take from the experience shouldn’t be that you need to change — you’re amazing just as you are. “Regardless of the reason, what’s important is that the person ‘left behind’ because their partner lost interest does not try and change themselves as a result,” relationship coach and founder of Maze of Love, Chris Armstrong, tells Bustle. “I once told a client ‘if parts of you drew your partner away, maybe it’s time to look within, but don’t make sudden changes over one person losing interest’.”
- It sucks but it’s not all that uncommon. “Knowing that he lost interest overnight is pretty devastating, but it actually happens a lot and in a weird way, it’s somewhat natural. The person that loses interest has changed or has discovered some things about themselves,” Armstrong explains. “It can be very common for two people to start dating and break up for seemingly no reason. They didn’t fight a lot and communication was good, but perhaps someone found themselves evolving and realizing that the person they have evolved into wants different things in a partner.”
- The best thing you can do is to walk away and don’t look back. While you might try to convince yourself that you’re imagining things and that there’s still a chance things could work out with this guy, it’s important that you acknowledge what you know to be the truth. “Generally, your gut is correct. If you feel like someone is pulling back… then you are likely correct,” says dating coach and founder of A Little Nudge, Erika Ettin. “That doesn’t make it any less frustrating, of course. I would recommend, as difficult as it may seem, bringing it up to your partner. Once you’ve opened up the conversation, then it’s time for them to share. And if they can’t, yet the behavior continues, then you have to decide what’s right for you.”