What To Do When You Think He’s Losing Interest

Everything between you is amazing until it’s not. He stops calling or texting you so much and when he does, he never has much to say. He’s always busy and when you do hang out, this guy is always making excuses to go home early. There are many ways to tell if your instincts are right when you think he’s losing interest in you. So should you try to remind him what he’s got in you or totally fade him out? Neither — do these things instead.

  1. Get a life.  The worst thing you can do when you think he’s losing interest in you is to shut down. You stop caring about your life, your dreams, your passions, your work — and all because of a guy. But your life can’t stop for him just because he’s acting shady. Your life is more important, so get out there and keep doing your thing instead of staring at your phone all day.
  2. Give him space. Your initial idea might be to try to get closer to him, but honestly, that could push him further away. If he’s pulling away, it means he needs a bit of space, so go ahead and give him what he wants. A guy can’t miss you if you’re texting him every five minutes, after all. And sometimes people take their partners for granted, so a bit of missing can be just what the dating doc ordered.
  3. Take stock. Now that he’s taking a time out, it’s the perfect opportunity for you to do the same thing and take stock of your relationship. There are obviously issues there, so figure out what’s wrong with your relationship and if you’re really happy. You might have forgotten about what you wanted and just gone with the flow, so now’s the time to focus on you.
  4. Figure out if you really still want him. It’s amazing the clarity that distance brings. Not just about your relationship but about your boyfriend, too. Those things you used to put up with, like his sarcastic comments or texts to his ex, might now seem like giant snarling dogs you can’t ignore. You might actually wonder what the hell you were doing with him. You may think he’s losing interest in you, but how strong is your interest in him?
  5. Be cool. You could be tempted to be nasty and ask him what the hell he’s up to, but you don’t want to look back and regret it — especially if he had a legit reason for going fuzzy, like a depressive episode or death of a loved one. Besides, even if he’s being shady and ghosting you, the last thing you want is to become the crazy girl he was dating. Don’t give him the satisfaction.
  6. Show, don’t tell. You might be tempted to show him what he’s missing, and that’s a better idea than trying to tell him about what makes you great. Actions speak louder than words, so go out and be the amazing woman you were when he met you.
  7. Give him a text test. Try to text him once as a test to see if he replies to you. Ask him to hang out or another question that warrants a response. This could also be a great idea if you’ve been dating for a while and don’t really do date nights anymore. See how he reacts — that can tell you a lot.
  8. Avoid initiating contact if he doesn’t reply. If he doesn’t reply to your attempt then you need to back off. The ball is in his court, but you’ve got to remind yourself that you’re not going to wait for him to pass it to you forever. Give yourself a deadline by which you’ll move on because you’re not the kind of woman who waits around for a guy who doesn’t appreciate what he had. Hell no.
  9. Remember your worth. Now’s not the time to get all down about yourself and think that you’re not great girlfriend material because he’s fading out of your life. That’s just going to make you feel bad and what he’s doing isn’t your fault. Try to remember all that makes you amazing and don’t let your self-worth depend on anyone else. Just because you think he’s losing interest in you doesn’t make you any less valuable.
  10. Find a new spark. While you’re nurturing the flames of your life, there could be a great way to recharge your relationship: find a shared interest you both love and that would energize your relationship. It might be hiking or going on a trip for the weekend or anything that makes you both feel excited. This could be a good attempt to get back on track, but remember: he’s got to be just as into the idea as you are. There’s nothing fun about being on a beach sipping cocktails while he’s at the bar hitting on other women.
  11. Dump him. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the guy keeps pulling away until he’s completely out of your life. If you see that happening, let him go. If you’re sweating so hard to make things work and he’s doing nothing, it’s like you’re Bear Grylls and your boyfriend is the mountain just sitting there. Forget him, delete his number and move on. You should never chase any man.
  12. Learn some important lessons and move on. Things didn’t work out, and that sucks, but that doesn’t mean you won’t move on to better, stronger relationships in the future with a guy who truly sees how fantastic you are. Learn what lessons you need to from this failed relationship and look forward to the bright future ahead.

Why a guy might be losing interest in the first place

As frustrating as it is to feel like you have to work hard as hell to keep him focused on and invested in you, there’s a reason this happens with so many guys so quickly. If you notice he’s just not as invested as he used to be, here’s what could be going on.

  1. He’s become complacent. If you think he’s losing interest, this is the most likely explanation for why. It’s not that he doesn’t care about you anymore or that you’re not just as amazing as you ever were, it’s that he’s gotten too comfortable and used to having you around, so he’s lost sight of all the incredible things that make you the woman he fell for in the first place. He’s not not interested, he just forgets all the reasons he is, if that makes sense.
  2. You took the thrill out of the chase. Men love the chase, that much is true. That’s why as juvenile as it seems, you have to play along with him, at least for a while. He wants the unattainable, so when you show your cards and start going after him instead of making him do all the work, he suddenly loses interest. You’re no longer a conquest and you’re not hard to get, so he checks out. Should it be this way? Of course not. Is it? Sadly, yes.
  3. The sex is bad. There’s no sense beating around the bush here. If he was all over you and seemed to be crazy about you and then you slept together and he didn’t seem interested anymore, things clearly did not go well. If you were sleeping together before and the sex was incredible but you notice that his lack of interest has coincided with the reduced frequency of sex or just less exciting bedroom encounters, it’s not a coincidence that the two are linked. Guys find it very hard to stay engaged when they’re not getting the pleasure or feeling the desire they seek.
  4. He found someone else he likes better. Sucks but it’s true. If you were casually dating (or even exclusively dating) and all of a sudden, he pulls away and really doesn’t seem bothered if he sees you from one day to the next, it could very well be because there’s someone else on the scene now and he likes her a lot more. He should be telling you this directly, of course, but maybe he’s too much of a coward to do so.
  5. He wasn’t that interested to begin with. It could come down to just this. Maybe it’s not that he’s losing interest but that he didn’t have that much to begin with. He thought you were cool and liked getting to know you, but since he was never all that invested in the first place, he doesn’t see it as a big deal that he’s no longer feeling it. Maybe it’s better to cut your losses and go your separate ways.

It can really suck when you’re super into a guy but he doesn’t feel the same — or worse, he seems to feel the same at first, only to slowly fade away into nothingness while you’re still stuck in your feelings. You might blame yourself for not doing enough to keep him excited about you, but that would be a big mistake. If you showed him you were into him, put yourself out there, and really gave it your best shot only for him to take that for granted or not give a damn, that’s not on you. The most important thing you can remember is that if he’s not interested, there are plenty of guys out there that will be. They won’t make the mistake of being blind to the incredible woman that’s standing right in front of them.

Check out the video below for some more insight into what to do when a guy loses interest in you.

Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.