What does it mean to be smitten with someone? It goes beyond simply liking them or enjoying spending time with them. In fact, it’s something much deeper. Here’s what this feeling really means and some signs it’s what you’re experiencing with the person you’re dating. Even if you’re in denial, you can’t pretend you’re not nuts about them.
What does it mean to be smitten with someone?
Merriam-Webster defines the word smitten as “deeply affected or struck by strong feelings of attraction, affection, or infatuation.”
In other words, it’s that dreamy, moony feeling you get for someone you really like. You’re so into them, in fact, that you think of them constantly. When you’re around them, you feel like you’re floating. You may not know everything (or much of anything) about them yet, but that hardly matters. You’ve You’re on cloud nine.
Signs you’re smitten with the person you’re dating
- You send good morning texts (and good night texts too). While these may be a chore with anyone else (i.e. your ex), this is something that comes naturally when you’re with someone with whom you’re smitten. You don’t even think twice about it. They’re the first person you think of before bed and the last before you fall asleep.
- You give each other “just because” gifts. I’m not talking about the “coming back from a trip and getting you an ‘I heart Turkey’ mug from the airport.” I’m talking “walked by a super fancy vegan store and brought back a cool type of cashew butter because you mentioned it last week.” Ask anyone and they’ll confirm this. The $3 gifts are often the ones that hit closest to home if they’re meaningful.
- You start to learn their love language. While you might be used to looking for love and attention in the ways that you express them, it’s always eye-opening to learn about someone else. You may have been frustrated waiting for them to post about you on social media. You share pics of them, after all. However, all along they’ve been boasting about you to their friends, texting your sisters to find the best birthday present, and telling their parents about you. They achieve the same end but are expressed in different ways. Once you learn this about each other, you will suddenly see all the ways in which they adore you, even if they’re different from you.
- You have a special relationship with food. First of all, pretty much everyone on the planet has to negotiate a certain way of sustaining a healthy relationship with food. It’s so central to my way of practicing self-care and carving out time for yourself that introducing another person to your favorite snacks and meals is always a special occasion. Share their food, make a meal together, steal each other’s fries, etc. Food is so important to us personally that sharing it with someone we’re dating is a clear sign we’re smitten.
- “This made me think of you.” Be still my beating heart. This can be anything from a meme to a picture of a dog to a text that your parents sent you that you joked about the previous day. It’s on the same spectrum as “just because” gifts, but this is more of a daily ritual, a part of your life. It shows that whenever something interesting happens to you, they’re the person that you want to tell first. They’re clearly on your mind.
- You give one another homemade gifts. This is even more special than the “just because” gifts. That’s because it has all of the commitment and thoughtfulness of a big-ticket item but none of the monetary pressure. You’re giving up your time instead of your money. However, you’re still making yourself vulnerable or expressing your own creativity. It could be a fresh loaf of bread in the morning, a new ceramic coaster that you painted to protect their coffee table, or even a typed-up letter using their grandmother’s old typewriter. These things go straight up on the wall. They are treasured.
- You love talking about the future. Generally speaking, you like to live in the moment and take things day by day. However, when you’re smitten with someone, you can’t help but think ahead. You want them in your life next month, next year, even a decade from now. There’s nothing you love more than fantasizing about your future together. It’s actually really sweet.
- You talk about them to your friends. If you’re someone who likes to keep your cards close to your chest but suddenly get verbal diarrhea about the person you’re dating and can’t stop gushing over them, this could mean (okay, it definitely means) you’re smitten. Don’t worry, your friends know you’re in the honeymoon phase and will calm down eventually.
- You’re not scared of having “The Talk.” This means you’re secure in your connection. You don’t need to worry that they’re going to jump ship. You know they’re in it for the long haul because so are you. Can’t get better than that. Express your feelings. That’s real.
- You feel comfortable enough to fart around him. Forget moving in, forget a shiny gold ring. This is the gold standard of intimacy. It means that you’re comfortable and you feel light around them. You have a healthy sense of your own worth. Sometimes in the early stages of a relationship, I can feel constantly anxious that I’m unclean or sweaty or unattractive. Or, if I’m suddenly caught in the wrong light at the wrong angle, my entire appeal to this person might disappear. A fart, in this way, cannot be concealed. And even though it is a brief sound, it hints at a more permanent, healthy relationship with yourself as well as in your relationship. You know that one fart will not end it all. Whew!
What is the difference between smitten and in love?
Don’t convince yourself that they’re the same thing because they’re really not. Generally speaking, when you’re smitten with someone, it’s very early on in the relationship. You don’t know them well enough to love them but you feel like you could. The early signs that they might be “The One” are there and you can’t ignore them.
On the other hand, when you’re in love with someone, that’s deep. You’ve gone through something profound together and share a real connection and bond. You know who each other is deep down. You’ve seen one another at your worst and instead of putting you off, it makes you care about them even more. If you’re lucky, being smitten with someone can turn into love. Fingers crossed!
