“Manification” is a dating trend most of us have been guilty of partaking in at least once in our lives. In general, it’s the process of labeling a guy as perfect the minute you meet and then magnifying whatever positive traits he has so that they’re larger than life. In other words, you force things a bit because you’re desperate for him to be your dream guy. Are you doing this? Here’s how you know.
1. You drop everything for him.
The risk of manification is that you start to make the guy way too important in your life, even if you don’t know him well. Why? Because he’s freaking perfect for you (or so you think) and you fear missing a chance to be with him (even though that wouldn’t happen with the right guy). The problem is you’ll drop everything for him when he wants to call or see you as you get tunnel vision – he’s all you care about.
2. You ignore red flags.
Another risk of manification is that you totally ignore signs he shows you that he’s not actually the best guy to date. For example, when he’s rude to the waiter or speaks badly about his co-workers on a first date. Little things he does that show he’s selfish/arrogant/rude/already has a girlfriend are swept under the rug. You might not even notice them!
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4. You’re blinded by hope.
One of the reasons why you might fall prey to manification is that you’re totally blinded by the hope of being with someone amazing for a change. Hey, it’s a crazy jungle out there, so no one can blame you. When you finally meet a great person who shows you that there is hope out there, it’s intoxicating. However, the last thing you need is to hold onto hope so much that it makes you live in denial.
5. You’re building him up.
In the same way that using a magnifying glass would enlarge objects you see through it, manification is when you enlarge the idea of the guy you’re dating. You might think that just because he’s into poetry, he’s a romantic and loving soul, and you make this the truth of who he is. Similarly, you might think that because he goes to the gym every day, he looks after himself. Might not be true!
6. You’re falling for an idea.
You’re basically loving an idea of who the guy could be, not who he really is. Doing this not only makes you ignore potential red flags, but it also means you’re going to have your dreams dashed when you realize he’s not who you think or hope he is.
7. You get ahead of yourself.
Okay, so maybe he ticks all the right boxes and he does seem to have all the boyfriend traits you want. But don’t let that cause you to get ahead of yourself and dream up a perfect future with this guy. Slow down and take in what’s happening now. Make the most of relationship milestones instead of rushing through them. Remember that many toxic relationships started with someone who seemed too good to be true (because they were).
8. You ignore what makes you larger than life.
Manification isn’t just risky when it comes to your dating life. It also risks you putting yourself on the back-burner. For example, when you make the guy a priority and take a backseat, or when you build up his positive qualities and feel like he’s better than you.
9. You feel insecure around him.
If you think he’s amazing and you’re average, the result is doom! You’re going to feel insecure in your relationship or like he’s going to break your heart. You’re making yourself more vulnerable than you need to be. See yourselves as equals or else you’re never going to be happy!
10. Stop making him great.
It’s time to put the magnifying glass down, ladies. You want to find an amazing guy but that doesn’t mean you need to sell yourself short or make the guy better than what he is in reality. That’s just a waste of time. At the end of the day, he’s just a guy and you’ll be just fine without him in your life.
