There comes a point in all relationships when you get to meet his friends. You plan to show up as your normal charming self, but once you get there, your guy is pulling a personality switch that could rival Danny Zuko’s cool guy routine in Grease. What gives? Here are some reason why men might treat you differently in front of their friends, and what to do about it.
- Ask him what’s up when you’re in private. If he’s acting differently in front of his friends and treating you like crap, or like you don’t matter, you need to speak up about it.
- Know it’s not always about you. There’s something going on, but it’s not necessarily because of you. Your guy might be not be used to bringing girls around the guys at all and the whole thing might be making him wig out a bit.
- It might be a sign of immaturity. If your guy is putting on a macho act for the bros, he might be looking to them for too much validation, which isn’t the most confident and mature of behaviors.
- Don’t let it effect your behavior. It can be a little weird at first to discover a different side to your guy, but don’t let it get in the way of your making friends with his friends in the meantime.
- Consider his boundaries. If, for, example your guy is super affectionate in private but anti-PDA, you’ll have to accept, compromise, or consider moving on. That doesn’t necessarily mean he’s treating you badly, just that he prefers to keep your private life private.
- Know when it’s unkind. If your man is ever putting you down in front of his friends, it can be a little shocking, but get clear about what’s fun and what’s just plain mean. He could just be joking around and trying to lighten the mood.
- See what’s good about it. Maybe some of his different behavior is actually good… like you get to see a new side of him that you actually like. If that’s the case, try to open up that side of him when the two of you are alone, as well.
- Don’t expect an overnight change. You can ask him to fix the divide between your private and public life, but you can’t force him to. He’s gonna have to figure that one out on his own, if and when he wants to.
- Know the warning signs. You always have the choice to just not hang out with him around his friends, but if that’s what he’s trying to do here, make sure he’s not a player trying to free up his social time.
- Stand up for yourself. It can be hard in the moment to right things when people slight you (and so easy to figure out comebacks when you’re at home in the shower), but try to keep you footing and don’t let you guy push you to the side.
- Know when it isn’t a bad thing. Do you act differently in front of your friends and in front of your man? We all wear different hats all day long and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing, just depending on how authentic and reasonable it is.
- Leave when it is a bad thing. In the moment and in the relationship at large, if your man is being disrespectful, you shouldn’t be putting up with it.
