What To Do When Someone You Loved Breaks Your Heart

When someone you love breaks your heart, it can be hard to remember how resilient you are and that you will heal. If the person you’ve loved has broken your heart and it feels like they’ve broken you, there are some ways to fast-track the heartbreak process so that you can start to feel better.

  1. Feel it. You thought we were gonna say you need to put a smile on your face, right? Wrong! You need to feel what you’re feeling, as this will enable you to confront the situation head-on. Don’t hide away from the fear, anxiety, depression, and stress. The sooner you deal with it and allow yourself to cry, the faster you’ll heal.
  2. Clock your tears. Although it’s good to cry when you feel sad, you shouldn’t let your feelings become you. It’s not productive if you’re wallowing in your feelings and sadness all the time. So, if you wanna cry, scream, or sing along to Taylor Swift, do this for about sixty minutes, then stop and go do something else.
  3. Cut the cord. It’s a cliche but it’s so true: you have to make a clean break with the person. It does you no good to see your ex on your Facebook newsfeed every day or still listen to them say how much they miss you on the phone when they’re the one who walked away. If you can’t cut them out of your life forever, at least do so for a few months so that you can heal.
  4. Realize they’re not for you. You should remind yourself that the person wasn’t for you, in the way your BFF who wants the best for you would tell you. If they were right for you, they would have been in your life, loving you and treating you with the respect and care you deserve. This is good to remember in moments when your heart is gripped with missing the person so much you can’t handle it.
  5. See the person clearly. It’s easy to get into the habit of looking at your ex and the relationship you had with them with rose-tinted glasses. But the person and relationship weren’t perfect! See them for what they were. Think about what was terrible about your partner and how the relationship was bad. Maybe they were holding you back or stunting your growth. This will make you see that you’re in a better place now.
  6. Choose the right support. You should reach out to your loved ones and BFFs when you feel stuck in a hole of depression, but make sure you choose the right people. They should hear you out but also make you see that you’re better off. You want them to be uplifting, and you shouldn’t feel worse after spending time with someone who’s your support. That’s gonna do you no favors.

How to keep going when someone breaks your heart

  1. Give yourself some TLC. Now’s the time to give yourself some love. This self-love can take the form of taking a relaxing bubble bath, curling up with a good book, taking vitamins, or starting an exercise routine to boost your endorphins. It’s good to bear in mind that research has found breakup pain isn’t strictly emotional as it can also cause physical pain. Look after yourself!
  2. Start a new routine. When someone breaks your heart, this is the perfect chance for reinvention. Sometimes it’s the habits that you formed in your previous relationship that can make you feel stuck. Changing them, even in small ways, can help you to move forward. For example, if you always cooked dinner with your partner on Thursdays, consider going out with your mates instead. Similarly, if you always spoke to each other in the evenings before bed, do something interesting that you enjoy at that time, such as listening to a podcast.
  3. Don’t internalize your pain. Feeling sad and upset is good as it’s part of healing. What’s not good is if you’re internalizing your heartbreak, such as by thinking that you deserve it or you weren’t good enough for your ex. That’s where your feelings can take a sinister turn. Look, you weren’t the problem. Your ex chose to walk away. When you start to blame yourself or allow your heartbreak to define you negatively, you should stop your thoughts in their tracks.
  4. Think about previous hurts. Although it feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to you when someone breaks your heart, it’s not the only time you’ve felt so sad and torn up. It’s helpful to think about those other times that you went through in your life. You survived them, so you’ll also get through this.
  5. Have fun for at least 60 minutes. Remember when we said that you should only cry for a certain amount of time, like 60 minutes, before doing something else so you don’t get stuck in your feelings? Well, it might help you to set aside a certain amount of time in your heartbreak to have fun! You can make this 60 minutes per day (or less if it just feels like too much). It will help you to push yourself into seeing how beautiful the world is and how it’s waiting for you to make the most of it again.

Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.