What To Do When You Haven’t Heard From Him For Days

A while back, I was dating this guy who I thought was kind of perfect. But then, out of nowhere, something changed. His texts declined in frequency and eventually stopped for days on end. If this is happening to you, here’s how to cope.

  1. Ask him directly what’s up. I had to ask, and you should too if you care about the relationship. I’m not going to lie—nine times out of 10, it’s not good news. Still, maybe he’s going through something personal that he doesn’t feel like being open about just yet. The only way to know his deal is to ask.
  2. Evaluate the relationship. Communication is literally the #1 most important part of any relationship, so if this guy refuses to at least try and clue you into what’s up, it means you’ll just have bumpier roads to cross later on. Is it really worth all the confusion, frustration, and pain?
  3. Find out what’s really going on. In my case, the guy “wasn’t ready for something serious.” This is literally the oldest excuse in the book. In reality, he actually found someone else. That being said, not all cases are so cut and dry, and there could be other reasons you’re getting the cold shoulder.
  4. You may have to ask a friend. If you think your guy’s well-being may be at stake, you may want to look at all your options. Is he the kind of guy to get lost in a casino for days on end? Does he have shady friends? It’s possible his lack of communication is due to poor decisions he made, and even if it’s scary, you need help investigating.
  5. Check his social media. It’s not stalking if it’s a legitimate well-being check. Has he signed onto Facebook? Is he active on Hangouts? If everything has gone idle for days, something may be seriously wrong, especially if he’s usually very social media savvy.
  6. Do a Google search. This is more for peace of mind if things still don’t turn up. See if he’s been arrested, or if anything pops up under his name. This should definitely be a last resort, since you may make yourself paranoid when it turns out he was just being a jerk this whole time.
  7. If he’s just being a jerk, try not to take it personally. It’ll be really hard to figure out why the slow fade of communication happened. Was it something you did or said? Unless it happened after an obvious blow-up fight, you probably have a ton of questions. The best thing to do is not think all that hard about it. He might not even know why he’s suddenly less invested in the relationship.
  8. Remember, the only good excuse is “my phone broke.” And even that shouldn’t take days since this is 2019 and everyone’s addicted to their phones/rely on them for everyday life. If it was an accident and he seems truly apologetic, you may be in the clear. Just look at him for the truth — if he’s absolutely sincere with his story, he’ll take full blame for the mishap.
  9. If not, prepare yourself for the inevitable. Sometimes you just get that feeling that things are over. When a guy just ignores your texts for days, your level of confidence in the relationship falls. Plus, he obviously doesn’t respect you enough to be upfront with you. It’s time to dust off that Tinder profile and look for someone better.
  10. If it’s a totally new guy, consider it a loss. The beginning of a relationship is the most exciting. After a great first date, you want to learn all you can about this fantastic new person. So if you guys had a great first date and then he just vanished, consider it over before it began. If he was actually feeling you, he’d make sure to lock in your next hangout before you got the wrong idea.
  11. Get some closure, but just for you. Don’t bombard him with 100 messages but also don’t let him take full control over the breakup. Without closure of some sort, you’ll never be able to let go of this guy. He’ll just be in the back of your head as “the boyfriend that vanished one day.”
Karen Belz is a New Jersey native who is currently living in Maryland. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech Communication with a focus in Broadcasting and Print Media Studies from Millersville University of Pennsylvania. Since graduating, she has written for sites like LittleThings, HelloGiggles, and Scary Mommy and is currently an e-commerce editor at Bustle.

When she's not writing, she enjoys making her phone run out of memory after taking too many photos of her dog. You can find her on Twitter @karenebelz or on Instagram @karenbelz.