Your friend calls you and asks for rent money because they’re down and out. Tomorrow, they’ll ask you for a ride to work again, even though their office is all the way across town. You’re awesome for wanting to step in and help those around you, but being a “yes” person can have a negative impact on your life. If you’re helping others so much that you’re hurting yourself, it’s time to pull back. Here’s how you know you’ve reached that point.
1. You’re Enabling Them.
There’s a difference between helping others and enabling them. If the person truly can’t help themselves, you’re helping them. Enabling, on the other hand, gets rid of the chance for them to take responsibility and face the consequences of their actions, both of which they need to do to grow. At this point, you’re not actually helping them — you’re making their problems worse.
2. Your Resources Are Running Out.
You can’t help other people if you don’t have enough resources for yourself. Lending your friend money to pay their car insurance this month seems like a nice gesture, but it’s no good if you won’t have money for your own expenses. Similarly, if you’re giving so much time to listen to a friend who’s going through a breakup that you’re left drained and totally exhausted, you’re burning yourself out. You have to take care of yourself or you’ll have nothing to give.
4. You Help Out Of Guilt.
5. You’re Becoming A Doormat.
6. You Receive Fake Promises.
Your friend always needs favors from you and promises they’ll pay you back for the loan/rent/gas, but they never do. If you’re giving so much of your support and money but all you get are promises and lies, it’s not fair. You keep your word to help them, so they should have the decency to offer you the same in return.
7. You Don’t Think They’ll Change.
8. You’re Eating Their Lies.
The person who’s always requesting your help might be lying to you. Maybe they know how to turn on the waterworks when they need money or they come up with outlandish stories about why they need help. Listen to your spidey senses. If you’re doubting the truth, press pause on giving help right now until you know more. Respect yourself enough not to allow people to disrespect you.
9. You’ve Got Drama On Your Doorstep.
10. Your Body Says No.
The human body has an amazing way of alerting us to danger. While you might think you feel okay about helping out a friend again, your body might give you red flags that it’s not a good idea. For example, you might feel drained, irritable, anxious, or nauseous. Pay attention to that gut feeling. If you don’t feel it’s right to help your friend, don’t do it.
11. You Don’t Get Help In Return.
12. You’re Making Excuses For Them.
13. You Help Before You’re Asked.
14. You’re Cutting Yourself Short.
15. You’re Only Loved When You Offer Help.
If the person you’re helping is toxic, they might throw on the charm when they need something. Do they treat you like gold when they need your help, then become nasty when your efforts aren’t required? Stop wasting your precious energy and resources on someone who treats you badly.
16. You’re Being Bullied.
Does your friend belittle you or make you feel terrible when you can’t help them? They’re bullying you and needing help is no excuse for it. Instead of giving in, tell them “no” for a change. While they might kick up a tantrum, it’s not your problem — and their reaction to you setting boundaries for yourself will show you what they’re really like (it ain’t pretty).
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