Whether I’m Single Or In A Relationship, The Grass Is Always Greener On The Other Side

It seems like every time I’m in a relationship, all I think about is how much I miss being single. Then, when I’m single., I miss all the nice benefits of having a boyfriend. Maybe there’s a balance in there somewhere, but I’ve yet to find it and the struggle is real.

  1. I’m really good at wanting what I don’t currently have. Particularly in the romantic areas of my life. There are benefits to being single and to being in a relationship, and I want to somehow have them simultaneously — that’s my ultimate goal. If I’m dissatisfied with my situation, it’s a lot easier to focus on how nice it would be to have something different.
  2. I love being single, but I get lonely. Look, if I absolutely had to pick one or the other, I’m pretty sure I’d choose single life. I really love doing my own thing, but I still have moments of weakness, and they become more common the longer I’m alone. I miss cuddles and kisses and cheesy couple stuff. I’m only human.
  3. I want the best of both worlds. I want to have my cake and eat it too, I’ll admit it. I’d like a man to spend quality time with and have sex with, but I’d also like him to disappear when I feel like being on my own. It’s not very fair to ask that of an actual person, and it’s a difficult balance to navigate without hurting someone.
  4. Relationships aren’t prison sentences, but I still miss my freedom. I get super restless if I even smell the idea of someone trying to tie me down. I’m a self-avowed commitment-phobe, but I’ve stopped judging myself for it. Not everyone is meant for a conventional life. I’m pretty sure I’m someone who’s meant to roam and explore. I’m quite averse to the idea of putting down permanent roots, and it’s hard to get a guy to swallow that fact.
  5. I’m bad at compromising. I’ll do it, but I don’t like it. I’m so used to having free rein over my life when I’m single that I really hate doing things I don’t want to do. It’s not so much compromising with the guy himself, but going to do stuff that I don’t like or spend time with people I don’t care for much. I’d rather spend time with the people I already care about. I know that sounds super selfish, but it’s the truth.
  6. Still, when I have a boyfriend, I’m very accommodating. This isn’t to say that I’m a jerk in a relationship. I definitely compromise, even if I grumble a bit about it internally. A lot of the time, though, I can’t help but think that I’d be happier on my own spending my time the way that I want — especially if his friends and/or family are sort of terrible.
  7. I need a particular type of partnership. I’m aware that I’m different from a lot of girls and that I need a man who’s also different. I know it won’t be easy to find him. I finally know what I want and it’s not the conventional life that most people find fulfilling. I don’t judge that, but it’s not me. I don’t know where to find the guy who can hang with me and my particular needs.
  8. I can’t imagine getting super serious right now. I’ve had several long-term monogamous relationships, and none of them lasted. I’m convinced that’s because I wasn’t focusing on myself and how to make myself better. I also didn’t really know myself, so I picked the wrong people. I’m so committed now on being who I want to be and developing myself that though I want a boyfriend, I realistically shouldn’t have one.
  9. At the same time, there are perks to not being on my own. Honestly, they’re mostly emotional benefits, but I’m a very emotional woman. I crave human touch and affection, so sometimes it’s difficult to feel so alone. As someone who lives by myself, works freelance for the most part and likes doing stuff solo, I can get pretty isolated. Even when I spend time with others, I’m not usually touching them physically. I miss hugging and kissing and holding hands and snuggling.
  10. I prefer being alone because I haven’t found the right fit. I’ve yet to be with any man who makes my time with him more enjoyable than time I spend on my own. I know that it’s not right when I’m wishing I could just ditch him and do stuff solo! I hope that I do find someone who’s compatible with my style. Until then, I guess I’m going to have to do my own thing. Whatever.
  11. I tend to be a loner anyway. I prefer doing my own thing in general, regardless of whether I’m single or not. Either my friends don’t like the same stuff I do or they flake out every time I try to organize something. It’s much easier to just pick up and go on my own. Plus, I meet new people more readily that way. I’m not self-conscious about doing stuff by myself, so it works out.
  12. I get pretty used to whichever situation I’m in. This is the only thing that keeps me from going to the greener side most of the time. It’s easier to just stay where I already am — it’s human nature to go with the flow and avoid creating extra effort. Still, deep down inside I know better. I’m always restless and unsatisfied even though I’m not actively adjusting anything.
  13. It’s difficult to switch over even if I’m unhappy. I crave change and I’m usually fairly good at standing up for myself, but I get used to something and I get scared. If I’m in a relationship, I hate to lose that person… no matter how miserable we are. If I’m single, I get scared to fall for someone and then end up getting hurt. I hope someday I figure out how to get the best of both worlds and enjoy true happiness with a man. I think it’s possible — with the right guy. Wish me luck!
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.