Why Is It So Hard To Choose Between The Good Guy Who Loves You & The Bad Boy Who Never Could?

Should you go for the good guy or the bad boy? The conundrum is a cliché, but it’s a cliché because it’s true. Why is this even a choice? Is it because the bad boys aren’t always bad or because we think we can change them? Are the good guys actually the dreaded “nice guys,” there for you only because they feel entitled to your affections in return? The best you can do is explore the objects of your affection, take a closer look at your own feelings, and make the best choice for you.

Maybe it really is the good/bad quandary.

That is, maybe you really are attracted to bad boy types even though you know you’d be better off with a good guy type. It seems like everyone goes through this phase, regardless of sexuality. The thrill, the recklessness, the inherent risks – the tropes and stereotypes associated with bad boys are compelling. Conversely, the stereotypes tagged onto the archetypal good guy are… well, they’re not boring, exactly, but things like stability, kindness, humor, and respect may not be as alluring to us until later.

Your heart and your brain get into a lot of fights.

This isn’t uncommon, of course. My head’s always fighting with my heart over any number of things. So, in this case, maybe it’s more a case of your heart vs. a little bit of your brain and a lot of your libido because those bad boys (and girls) are tempting, aren’t they? I knew a bad girl who was absolutely toxic and entirely crazy, but I just couldn’t stay away… or maybe that’s why I couldn’t stay away, actually.

You swear your bad boy’s not really bad.

Of course not. He’s deep. Thoughtful. Tortured. Artistic. Moody. Brooding. He’s a poet, an artist, a troubled soul. He’s Jess, so much more complex and alluring than your personal Dean. He’s not a bad boy at all. He’s just full of Jess-ness.

The good guy’s best traits suddenly become boring.

It’s always that way, even if they’re not boring. They just seem that way in contrast, just as your bad boy’s more unsavory traits will be amplified when compared to your good guy. It’s like the two of them cancel out each other’s worst traits, which is frustrating and not at all helpful.

You compile pro and con lists all the time.

Unfortunately, thanks to vicious little cycles like the one above, these lists also cancel each other out most of the time. It’s like playing a game of “he loves me, he loves me not” with a bouquet of daisies – you just keep playing until you get the answer you want.

Excitement becomes more appealing than trustworthiness.

Isn’t that always the way? The whole reckless bad boy thing is cliché itself, of course, but again, it’s cliché for a reason. In the moment, excitement is always better than stability or trust. It’s … exciting. You want the thrill. Suddenly, the unpredictable is fun, not anxiety-inducing.

Until you get hurt, then security is the very best thing.

Since the grass is always greener, the second your little devil hurts you, off you go running to the good guy or girl in your life, seeking a little comfort. Hell, sometimes you just have to date these two polar opposites at the same time to figure out which one really feels like the right one.

Sometimes, your excuses cover up your insecurities.

For instance, using the excuse that the good guy isn’t exciting or risky enough might cover up a fear of living a predictable or complacent life. You have to remember, however, that nice isn’t a synonym for boring and just because someone is decent and kind, that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re dull.

Maybe the bad boy simply feels like a challenge.

It’s so tempting to try to fix those bad boys, isn’t it? You think to yourself that he just hasn’t met the right person yet, the one person in the world who can soothe his brooding soul and bring a smile to his RBF. The urge to rise to the challenge is so strong that it can sometimes overwhelm your common sense.

You may feel like you don’t deserve the nice guy.

In fact, you may even think that he’s too good for you, that all you deserve is the bad boy who won’t commit and doesn’t treat you nearly as well. That’s not true, though. You deserve all the best. Maybe your bad boy is the best match for you, but don’t assume he’s the only one.

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