Why He Won’t Commit And What To Do About It

So you’ve been seriously dating this guy for a few months or even years, but he’s still unwilling to take the relationship to the next step by moving in together or popping the question. Or maybe you’ve been going out for a while, but he’s still reluctant to put a label on things and you’re going crazy wondering why he just won’t commit. From my experiences, these are some of the reasons why a guy might not want to settle down with you.

  1. His past experiences are holding him back. Bad relationships affect men too and it can make them jaded. Rather than putting themselves out there and risking getting hurt again, they’d rather just date casually. It doesn’t matter that you’re nothing like his exes, he’s still going to be scared about committing to you. He’s going to need some time to heal properly and let go of that fear. Be a little patient with him. But if you’re tired of waiting around for him, it’s okay to walk away.
  2. The timing isn’t ideal. I know we like to believe that love can conquer all, but sometimes the timing just sucks. Even though he really likes you and wants to be with you, he’s just not in a place where he can commit fully to you. Maybe he’s leaving for college soon and you live in different states. Maybe he’s moving away for a job or his plans for the future don’t align with yours. Unfortunately, there’s very little you can do about this.
  3. He’s still hung up on his ex. It’s possible that he’s just not over his ex yet even though he swears he has completely moved on. He knows that admitting the truth about his feelings might push you away. He may be doing his best to get over her and doesn’t think it’s fair to commit to you until he has done that. How does this make you feel? Are you okay being his rebound girl? Are you fine knowing that his heart still belongs to another? Your answers will determine whether you stay or leave.
  4. He’s pouring most of his time and energy into his career.  Some guys don’t commit because work is everything to them. They don’t have the time for anything serious. They think that a relationship will keep them from achieving their goals. You don’t want to be stuck with a guy who’s always going to prioritize his work over you. If he’s not going to put time and energy into making things work with you, let that guy go.
  5. The status quo suits him just fine. He thinks the sex is great and he likes being with you, but he’s not really looking for a girlfriend. He only wants to date for the heck of it. He’s not ready for the responsibility that comes with commitment. All he wants are orgasms and little moments of intimacy that don’t go too deep. Since he’s already getting that he’s content to keep things the way they are forever. It’s in your best interest to end things and go looking for someone who can give you what you want.
  6. He’s holding out for someone else. Another reason he might not want to commit is that he has feelings for another. He knows that sealing the deal with you means he’ll be unable to keep pursuing the other girl he desires or do anything with her should the opportunity arise. If you think this is what he’s doing, call him out on it. Let him know you’re not going to be an option or his back up. If he can’t choose you, stop wasting your feelings on him.
  7. You’re putting a lot of pressure on him. If he isn’t ready to take things to the next level just yet but you’re pushing him to, this might make him think twice about committing you. This doesn’t mean he isn’t serious about you or unwilling to settle down. It just means you need to back off a little. Give him some breathing space. Ask him how he feels about you and the relationship and let him know there’s no pressure.
  8. He’s worried about finances. Money is a big deal, especially for men. Most guys I know won’t even think about getting into a serious relationship if their finances just aren’t right. Sure, you’re an independent woman who can take care of herself, but he still wants to be able to provide for you. If this is your situation, you’re going to need to show him that he’s worried about nothing. Make him see that you don’t need his money, just him.
  9. You’re not the girl of his dreams. I know this hurts to admit or accept, but the reason he won’t commit might be ’cause he’s just not into you like that. He can’t imagine a future with you, but he likes you enough to keep around for the short term. If you aren’t the one for him, you can’t convince him that you are and it’s not fair for him to keep stringing you along. It’s best to call it quits.
A girl preoccupied with living her best life even when it's uncomfortable to do so. She spends a lot of time with her thoughts. She hopes you enjoy reading the results of those thoughts.