Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About Him And What To Do About It

He’s always on your mind, to the point where you’ve started to wonder if you’re in love or just obsessed. Generally speaking, you’re a pretty rational, level-headed person, but not when it comes to this guy. Whatever’s going on, remember that you can forget him and move on. Here’s why he’s occupying so much space in your mind and how to get him out for good.

  1. You want closure. One of the most common reasons you can’t stop thinking about him is that things didn’t end with closure. The relationship came to an end and you never figured out why, so you can’t help but rehash the relationship in your mind all the time and maybe even wish things had been different. The best thing to do is give yourself closure. Remind yourself why it’s actually good that the relationship can to an end. There are always good reasons, but you’re just not seeing them because you’re still blinded by love.
  2. You wish he’d change. You think about him because you can’t deny that when he showed you his good traits, you were totally smitten. However, the truth is that he’s toxic. Trying to blend these two sides to him together never works out. It just doesn’t make sense. You’re always thinking about him because you hope he’ll change and then he’ll be ready for you. Guess what? He’s never going to change. Believe that he’s going to give you mixed messages forever because that’s most likely the truth.
  3. You can’t help feeling for him. You never got over the guy. You measure other guys according to him and they always fall short. Yup, you’ve mounted him onto a pedestal. Try to open your mind a bit to other possibilities. At face value, other people you meet might not be like him, but they could have better traits. You’ll never find out if you write them off so quickly.
  4. You’re stuck in a habit. What you call having intense feelings for him could actually just be the habit of thinking about him. You’re so used to doing it every day and it’s hard to break, sort of like cutting out sugar or quitting smoking. Here’s an idea: try to find a new routine you can do every day to replace the previous one. This will also help to invigorate you with new energy, making thoughts of your ex seem so stale.
  5. You fear letting him go.  You know he’s not perfect but you still want him. Your mind’s always focused on “What if?” thoughts, like, “What if you guys stuck together and found your happily ever after?” The best thing to do is stop romanticizing the guy and your relationship. See it for what it was. An objective, tell-it-like-it-is friend can help you tons with this.
  6. You’re obsessed with his new life. Maybe what you’re really thinking about all the time is what – or who – he’s doing now that you’re not together anymore. Avoid the temptation to check up on him as that will just keep you stuck on him when you should be moving on with your life. Delete and block him from social media. You don’t need to know what he’s up to or what lies he’s spinning to someone new.
  7. You’re using him as a distraction. If you’re always thinking about him and how much you have feelings for him, it’s worth asking yourself if you’re stuck on him because you’re trying to avoid other areas in your life. Love can be a distraction, but it’s so much more empowering to focus on your life, goals, and what you want to improve about yourself.
  8. You’re forgetting something important. Something really important to bear in mind when you can’t stop thinking about a guy is this: it’s a total waste to love someone who doesn’t love you back. If he loved you and was worthy of your love, he’d be with you. He’s not, so why should you be holding a candle for him?
  9. You’re feeling alone. It’s easy to think he’s the one you want and focus on him all the time when you’re lonely or bored in your life. But again, it’s not healthy for him to be a distraction from what’s really going on. Explore your loneliness and why you feel it. Think about what would make you feel less lonely. It could be finding a new hobby or reaching out to old friends.
  10. You can’t help but feel he was your last chance. If you felt you experienced real love with this guy, it can be tough to move on and forget about him, but it’s worth a shot. The only way you’re not going to find someone who’s even better for you is if you let the past with your guy keep you stuck there. There are tons of other opportunities out there, but you have to be ready to give them a shot. Put yourself out there!


Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.