Science Says Your Fear Of Getting Dumped Might Actually Manifest That Result

Relationships can be stressful, but for some of us, the fear of the relationship ending is the major stress factor. No one wants to get dumped, am I right? Well, a new study shows that the fear of getting dumped can actually be a catalyst to a breakup. That’s right—you might be causing your own relationship to end.

1. The study manipulated real couples into believing that their relationships were at risk. This is how they judged perception of risk and what happens when people believe the risk. The control group, or the couples who weren’t manipulated, didn’t believe that their relationship was going to fail because they weren’t subject to manipulation. Alarmingly, I think we learn from the study how incredibly easy it is for people to get in your head and make you believe that your relationship is going to fail.
2. The study found that if you think your relationship has a high risk of ending, you stop acting romantic. Isn’t that crazy? Participants stopped being loving and romantic when they perceived that their relationship was doomed. For the control group, however, romantic feelings remained strong when no risk of a breakup was mentioned. Basically, this suggests that your romantic feelings toward your partner are more or less affected by and caused by the perceived risk of your relationship. So, if you feel you or your partner acting less romantic toward each other, maybe you should have a come to Jesus conversation about it.
3. Then you stop being committed to your relationship. The study also showed that the result of this is that people stopped being committed. My interpretation of this is that as people are less romantic toward each other because they go into self-preservation mode to mitigate the painful effects of a breakup that they think is coming down the pipeline. It’s a relationship ruiner!
4. Perceived risk is everything. Your perception is your reality. If you perceive a threat, you’ll act on it to protect yourself from a bad situation. But do your best not to let negativity cause the perception at all because according to this study it’s only downhill from there.  
5. Words are super powerful. I don’t know about you but when I was a kid, my parents used to tell me that words could never hurt me. As I grew older, I realized how ridiculously untrue that is. Words do hurt sometimes even if you’re someone with a tough skin. The results of this study remind us how important it is to redirect hurtful words away from ourselves when someone aims them at us, especially if they are used to attack our relationships.
6. Thoughts are even more powerful. If you’re like me, you’re probably a super anxious person who considers every single worst case scenario in the book before doing anything. While that works in some areas of life, it can be detrimental to relationships because instead of preparing for the worst you start looking for problems where they don’t exist. My advice? Do an audit of your thoughts about your relationship. Are they negative? Are you fearful? Are you bringing your previous relationship fails into this one? Figure out what your thoughts are and then determine their source. You’ll learn a lot about what to eliminate.
7. Don’t worry, be happy. Seriously, though. Worrying can be devastating to our relationships! Worrying about the end when it’s not even here yet because of what people say to us about our relationship or our partner can really set us up for difficult times. Release the worry and focus on what’s right in front of you.
8. Surround yourself with Positive Patties, not Negative Nancies. We millennials are obsessed with positive vibes. And based on the results of this study it’s quite clear why we should be obsessed! Basically, as we can see here, misery loves company. Think about it! You know how you just feel lighter after you cut someone out of your life who’d been emotionally pulling you down? While sometimes we need honesty from our friends about a relationship situation, there is a difference between good, honest advice and straight haterade or jealousy. Know the difference and protect yourself!
9. You have more control than you think you do. Ultimately, we learn from this study that each of us has more control over the success of our relationship than we even realize. Casting away negative thoughts and people with negative words sounds like one of the golden keys to a lasting relationship.  Personally, I’m more aware of how much I hang onto to the words of people who don’t really want to help me or my relationship. Just because one person had a horrible relationship doesn’t mean that I will too. My strategy going forward is to recognize the negative, trap it and do my best to override it with positive. Who’s with me?