9 Phases You Go Through After Finding Out Your Ex Just Got Engaged

9 Phases You Go Through After Finding Out Your Ex Just Got Engaged ©iStock/Martin Dimitrov

Of all the news you’re not looking forward to hearing on any given day, your ex getting engaged is probably close to the top of the list. Learning that he’ll walk down the aisle soon — and not with you — is something you definitely don’t want to imagine, let alone hear the details about. In fact, it’s only natural that you’ll go through several phases.

  1. Shock. You have to pinch yourself to make sure you’re not dreaming — but yes, unfortunately you’re awake. You reach for your phone to call your BFF so that she can help you process your shock (and join you in it), and thankfully, she picks up on the second ring.
  2. Defeat. After you get past the shock, you realize you have to come to terms with the news. He got engaged while you’re single. He got engaged first. He’s happy with someone now while you’re not even sure if there’s really someone out there for you. You try to process how he could have found someone when he wasn’t even a great boyfriend to start with. It’s really not fair, and you kinda can’t deal with it.
  3. Anger. You feel the blood rush in your veins. Your body temp starts to rise as you stare at his and his fiancee’s photo PMed to you by one of your loyal girlfriends via Messenger — because of course he announced their engagement on Facebook. Now, all of your mutual friends know about how happy he is. Some of them even pity you, and you can’t help but blame him for all the unnecessary pressure and drama surrounding you. In fact, you’re pissed about it.
  4. Jealousy. Once you get past the anger, you can’t help but compare yourself to his fiancée. This is despite the fact that it’s your first time seeing her and all you have as a basis for comparison is their engagement photo. You just can’t help yourself. You keep telling yourself that you’re so much better than her and that it’s you who should have been in her place. Face it: you’re jealous.
  5. Amusement. You’re a grown woman who wouldn’t normally enjoy someone else’s misfortune, but when you realize what this woman has gotten herself into the moment she accepted that proposal, you can’t help but laugh out loud. There’s nothing funnier than thinking she’ll be spending the rest of her life with your ex-boyfriend and his insane snoring problem!
  6. Pity. Now, you pity the girl so much you want to hug her. There’s a part of you that thinks you should message her not to congratulate her, but to warn her about what she’s in for. This girl’s life is now in your hands, so you’ve got to do something!
  7. Relief. You take the deepest breath you can take and thank the heavens with closed eyes. It could have been you, but the cosmos interfered. Undoubtedly, you dodged a bullet. It’s time to celebrate!
  8. Dread. This is just the beginning. You’ve got to deal with more unhealthy emotions as they share more details (and pictures) about the engagement and of course, you’ll still have to cope with the big day. It’s inevitable. You consider cutting your phone service and deactivating your Facebook account because ignorance is seriously bliss.
  9. Acceptance. Eventually, you come to terms with the fact that you’re just not meant to be. You’re totally over him and if he’s happy with settling down and losing his freedom, he’s welcome to it. He can celebrate his engagement, get married, and do whatever he fancies in his fabulous married life. After all, it’s his life and you couldn’t care less about what he does with it.
Maine Belonio is a twenty-something mom and writer who has a penchant for coffee, long distance running, Tolkien, Switchfoot, and Jesus. Find her broken, honest, and brave musings at mainebelonio.com.