Your Relationship Isn’t “Complicated” — You’re Actually In Denial

All relationships are complicated in their own way — human being are complex and life is crazy sometimes, and that combination can make for some tough times that require compromise, support and perseverance to get through. However, if “complicated” is the first and only word you can think of to describe things with your current guy, you’ve got a serious problem and you’re in denial about it. Here’s what might really be happening:

  1. You don’t know where you stand. If your relationship has been such a roller-coaster of drama and turmoil, chances are you’re confused. It might be about whether or not your BF is the right guy for you or if you’re really happy. All you know is how you feel, and it feels complicated AF. But the truth is probably simpler: you’re just not compatible anymore.
  2. You’re hookup buddies. Sometimes a complicated relationship is really about people screwing each other and not knowing if it will become something real or not really wanting the sex to become a committed relationship. Um, what’s complicated about that? Nothing, so don’t dress it up to mean something more mysterious. There really should be a “just having fun” relationship status feature on Facebook.
  3. You’re on a break. Your relationship has been stressful and you need some time apart from your BF. Unless you’ve both decided that you’ll go back to each other after a specified time apart and you both agree not to date other people during that time, you might actually be breaking up.
  4. You got caught up in a relationship fantasy. It’s easy to think that good times in your relationship mean that it’s perfect, but it’s not. Sooner or later there will be challenges, but that doesn’t mean things are complicated or so stressful that they have to end. It’s how you and your boyfriend deal with them that can take you back to your blissful state. Don’t let unrealistic relationship expectations complicate things. Relationships are not fairytales, but thank god — they’d be boring AF if they were.
  5. He’s about to pull the plug. If your boyfriend is the one who said things between you are complicated, it could be a way for him to prepare for dumping you. Guys sometimes ease out of relationships, and this “complicated” excuse could be the first step in his fade-out strategy.
  6. You’re holding on for the wrong reasons. Maybe deep down, you really don’t want to commit to the relationship anymore but you feel guilty for letting go of your boyfriend and the time and energy you’ve put into the relationship. The truth is that sticking around is just going to cause unnecessary pain for both of you.
  7. You’re stuck in an on-again, off-again nightmare. You and your BF have broken up and gotten back together more times than you can count. Basically, things are complicated because you’re making them so. Decide once and for all if you’re in or out.
  8. The emotional connection is frayed. When you’re together, you’re close — at least physically — but the emotional connection has started to fizzle out. It’s not that your relationship is complicated, it’s just that it’s changed. Don’t settle for a relationship that has no heart because that sucks balls.
  9. You’re holding onto hope. Thinking that things are complicated might make you hope that your relationship gets back on track, but if things have changed then you shouldn’t try to force them ’cause that won’t make it happen. No amount of hope will give you a satisfying relationship with this guy if he’s a jerk or you’re just not on the same page.
  10. You’re blaming life for being complicated. It’s easy to think that life is the culprit for your complicated relationship. Maybe your boyfriend is going to be living hours away because of career commitments or you’re going through personal stress and it’s making it tough for your relationship to thrive. But honestly, that’s a BS excuse. Life is never going to be perfect, but a committed and real relationship doesn’t fall apart because of that. So if he says, “Things are really complicated right now,” tell him to GTFO because what he’s really saying is that he’s just not as committed as you are.
  11. He’s testing new waters. Sometimes guys will decide to leave relationships before they actually do because they want to be sure of their decision. Or, if they’re bastards, they hope that they’ll secure a new relationship before dumping the one they’re in so they can have a smooth transition. If things with your guy suddenly feel more stressful or complicated than they used to be, maybe your boyfriend is up to no good and stringing you along. It’s time to cut the strings!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.