Here’s Why You’re Always An Almost Girlfriend & Never The Real Deal

Here’s Why You’re Always An Almost Girlfriend & Never The Real Deal ©iStock/teksomolika

“Almost relationship”: the two most annoying, frustrating, and lame words ever. When you meet a great guy, you have to wonder if it’s going to turn into the real deal, or if you’ll forever be relegated into the “kinda, sorta, but-not-really relationship.” It sucks when you never make the transition to official GF, but sometimes it’s kind of your fault. Here’s why you might never make it past almost girlfriend:

  1. You’re too eager. It’s been so long since you had a boyfriend that you pretty much are all about someone as soon as you have a decent first date. You’re the definition of eager, and that’s not an attractive quality. It’s no wonder they’ll play along for a month or two and then bail.
  2. You’re a texting machine. It’s a double-standard that women text more than men, because of course both genders are pretty into their iPhones. But if you never give your new guy some space, he’s going to get smothered pretty fast.
  3. You miss the signs. Almost relationships have big fat glaring red flags that are impossible to miss once you’ve experienced them enough. And yet you miss them every single time. If a guy mentions he’s busy at work or is about to go on a massive trip, those might signal that he’s not all that into being part of a real couple.
  4. You combine your two lives too fast. It’s pretty obvious that you want to spend a lot of time with someone you just started dating, but you should know by now that nothing is guaranteed and you need to keep your life intact.
  5. You don’t have The Talk. It might be Captain Obvious at this point but if you don’t mention being exclusive, well, he just might keep dating other people he’s swiping right for. It can be tough to know when the right time is since you want to trust this guy, but that’s when you end up an almost girlfriend and never cross over into the real deal.
  6. You cut him too much slack. Almost boyfriends are almost for a reason: there’s something wrong with them. They’re emotionally stunted or super immature or spend entire weekends in their boxers playing video games and drinking beer (or all three). If you let guys behave however they want, well, you’re not going to get what you want.
  7. You don’t think about who you should be with. Being super picky and having legit ideas about who you want are two very different things. You should make sure that you’re with guys that make sense. If you’re creative, you might not get along with a conservative banker. Just saying.
  8. You’re going through the motions. You’ve been seeing this guy for a month, so you figure you should keep going and eventually things will get better, because if you’re in a real relationship, it has to be better. Not the case. Stop going through the motions and expecting things to improve, because they won’t. If you can start living in the here and now and figuring out what you want, you just might be an actual girlfriend sooner than you think.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.