If You’re Desperate For Love, You’re Destined to Settle

Most women want to find love, but there’s a difference between wanting someone to share your life with and needing someone because you’re scared to be alone. Sure, it gets lonely sometimes, but it won’t be that way forever. The right guy will come along, but you can’t force it. After all, if you’re desperate to love, you’re destined to settle for so much less than you deserve.

  1. You stay in terrible situations. Maybe he doesn’t treat you right, but he’s not completely horrible. Does that sound like real love to you? You’re bargaining with yourself. You’re compromising on something as serious as whom to spend your life with. You’re so desperate that you forget what you deserve and settle for what’s available.
  2. You fall apart when things end. For you, being single just isn’t an option. When you take single life off the table, though, you’re forcing yourself to do whatever it takes so that you don’t have to be alone. You’re agreeing to a relationship regardless of if it’s with the right person. You would rather be with Mr. Wrong than be on your own, and that’s the scariest part.
  3. You lose all sense of your self-worth. Confidence is the strength to hold out for what you deserve. If you’re desperate for love, then on some level you don’t believe you’re worthy of it. You can’t let your self-worth depend on a relationship. Your life has more meaning than being some guy’s future wife.
  4. You let men walk all over you. You’re so desperate for love that you give the men you date all the power in the relationship. If that’s what it takes to not be alone, you’ll do it. Men will treat you like you’re nothing because you allow them to do so because the only other option is to end things and go back to being single, and to you, nothing sounds worse.
  5. You won’t wait for the right guy. If you’re so desperate to be in a relationship then you won’t necessarily want the right guy — you’ll just take any guy. You should be dreaming of “The One” but instead you’re just dreaming of not being single. That’s so messed up.
  6. You lose sight of all the wonderful things about yourself. A woman who truly loves herself and is confident in who she is and what she deserves would never be desperate for a man’s love or attention. You need to realize that you’re life is good all on its own. You don’t need a man to make happy or make your life worth living. The one person you truly need is yourself.
  7. You become dependent on guys. Desperation is the result of needing love instead of wanting it, and it’s basically an automatic death sentence for any relationship. Once you start dating someone, you immediately let go of your independence and the life you had before him and start making it all about your new guy. Not only is that unattractive, it’s extremely unhealthy. What are you doing?
  8. You let time get the best of you. Being desperate makes you obsess over BS ideas like biological clocks ticking. You think the sand in your hourglass is running out and that’s why you’re rushing into love. You don’t take the time to let your feelings catch up with you. You so desperately want every guy to be the right guy to marry or start a family with that you never even consider the fact that they’re all wrong.
  9. You’re in love with love instead of the man. You’re in love with the idea of love and can sometimes even convince yourself that you’re experiencing it, but that’s not real love. Actual love is about truly getting to know and adore a person, not the idea of a relationship with the potential to make you happy.
  10. You miss out on your fairytale. Women who are content on their own have an easier time finding real love. Why? Because they weren’t desperate for it. These strong women aren’t afraid to wait as long as it takes to find the right guy. To them, marriage isn’t worth it unless they know it’s right. They’re not dying for a ring on their finger. What they really want is a man who loves and treats them the way they deserve. You can be one of those women too, and you should be.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.