If You’re Jealous Of My Guy Friends, We’re Never Going To Work Out

I have plenty of girlfriends, but the relationships I have with my guy friends are just as special. Unfortunately, though, not everyone I date seems to realize that my male buddies really are just friends, and when they get jealous over nothing, it can be a huge deal-breaker. Before you even think about accusing any of my guy friends of having ulterior motives, you should know this if you ever want to date me:

  1. They were here first. Before you even laid eyes on me, these guys had my back. They’ve already proven why they should be a part of my life, and you’re the newcomer. You might have a different relationship with me than they do, but you have to earn your place in my life just like they did so long ago.
  2. They would never disrespect my relationship. Even if you’re right and one of them does have a thing for me, it’s irrelevant. My guy friends would never even try to put me in a position that would disrespect my relationship with you, just as I’d never do anything to make their girlfriends feel uncomfortable. My friendships with all of them are completely platonic, and they know that if any of them ever did anything to put my relationship with you in jeopardy, we would no longer be friends.
  3. They’ll be your friend if you let them. Particularly because they are only platonic friends, my buddies will have no problem being your friend too. They want to get to know the people I care about, and if I’m dating you, it’s safe to say I care about you a good bit. These guys don’t see you as a rival — they see you as a potential new bro that they can hang out with.
  4. They’ve already proven their loyalty to me. I have no reason to question my guy friends’ motives because they’ve already proven to me that they’ll go out of their way for me, just as I have for them. We’ve been there for each other through thick and thin, and if I can trust them, so can you.
  5. If you don’t trust me, you shouldn’t be with me. For argument’s sake, let’s say that one of my bros DOES admit that he’s head-over-heels in love with me. Do you really think I’d be the type to cheat? If you’re dating me, I would hope that you trust that I’m not going to be fooling around with anyone else. If not, then this isn’t a relationship that’s going to last anyway.
  6. They come with me as a package deal. I’m not giving them up just because I’ve found someone I enjoy being all couple-y with. Whether it’s you or someone else, whoever I’m dating is going to have to accept that these guys are going to be a part of my life. If you can’t accept that, then that’s your loss, not mine.
  7. None of them are a threat. At all. I see these guys as my brothers or cousins, and they see me the same way. It would be straight-up weird to be anything more than friendly with them. You have no more reason to be jealous of them than you’d have to be jealous of my biological family. The love we have for each other is the same kind that my female friends and I share, and you wouldn’t be jealous of them, would you?
  8. Asking me to abandon them would be a huge red flag. I’m willing to do a lot of things for the person I’m dating, but cutting my friends and family out of my life isn’t one of them. If you can’t get over your own jealousy or demand that I stop being friends with these guys instead of communicating your concerns with me, I’m going to take that as a huge warning sign. I’m going to start to wonder what else you might demand of me and how else your jealousy is going to impact my life. If you’re worried about my guy friends or anyone else, the best thing you can do is voice your concerns and work with me rather than against them.
  9. I would never ask you to cut your female friends out of your life. I get jealous too sometimes, and yeah, I might be a little extra wary of your female friend who looks like she could be a Victoria’s Secret model. But I would never dream of asking you to stop being friends with her just because I was uncomfortable. I hold myself to the same standards, so if I feel weird about one of your female friends, I’m going to try to compromise with you instead of issuing ultimatums. And in the end, if I can’t take your friendship with her, I’ll end things with you instead of forcing you to end your friendship with her. I just hope you’d do the same for me.
  10. Saying that guys and girls can never be just friends makes me wary of you. If members of the opposite sex can never have a platonic relationship, then that tells me a lot about the kind of “friendships” you have with your female “friends.” Your intense worry about my relationship with my guy friends might reflect your own relationships with your gal pals, showing me that maybe I’m the one who should be worried about what your true intentions are with the women in your life. If you’re chill about my opposite-sex friendships, I’m much more likely to feel that your opposite-sex friendships are innocent, too.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.