You’re Not Alone — Some Of The Greatest Women Are Perpetually Single

You’re smart, funny, and an all-around amazing catch… and yet you still haven’t found a great guy. You’re probably wondering: If I’m so great, why am I single? In truth, your relationship status (or lack thereof) doesn’t make you any less of an incredible person. In fact, more often than not, the most desirable women are the ones that find themselves single — here’s why:

  1. It’s not about you (I promise). The old break-up cliché, “it’s not you, it’s me,” can get really frustrating, especially if you’ve heard it a million times — but take comfort in the fact that it’s probably true. Imagine all the times you found a connection with someone but it just didn’t work out. Maybe you were with someone else at the time, maybe you were focused on your career or maybe you just didn’t realize what you had because you were caught up in your own drama. Whatever it was, it had nothing to do with them and that could be what’s happening you too.
  2. Guys have their own baggage and sometimes you can’t carry it. It’s not a secret that everyone comes with baggage (and I mean everyone). A lot of the time, that means the guys you meet have their hands full and can’t deal with a relationship at the moment. It may feel like you’re doing something wrong, but they have their own issues and they don’t concern you.
  3. You’re too independent and many men can’t handle it. Being single helps you learn to stand on your own. While friends are amazing for emotional support, you can’t constantly expect them to be there for you (they’ve got their own crap to deal with). Eventually, you’ll learn to lean on yourself for a pep talk or a confidence boost. So when you don’t come running to your guy every time you hit a bump in the road, he may feel unwanted, but that’s not your problem.
  4. You have a great career and tons of ambition and that intimidates a lot of guys. It’s common knowledge that a woman with a  successful career often intimidates guys. You need a man who wants to see you succeed — not a boy who has to be the breadwinner to be secure in his own masculinity. If a guy is afraid of your success, drop him.
  5. The timing just isn’t right. Timing is everything when it comes to starting a relationship. If you meet someone you have a great connection with and get the feeling they aren’t into it, don’t just assume you’re not good enough. Often times, if a guy isn’t ready to fully commit, he’ll stay away from a woman he can see a future with. Call it immaturity or call it fear — just don’t call it your fault.
  6. You’re focused on more important things. This is the time to be developing your career, working hard and building an empire, so you may not be focused on finding a guy and that’s totally okay. But when start to feel insecure about being single, remember you’re focused on more important things.
  7. A lot of guys probably think you’re out of their league. Many of my perpetually single friends are just too much, in a great way: too awesome, too hot, too successful, too funny and too cool. Guys see that and just assume they couldn’t get you, even if they tried. So instead they walk away and leave you wondering what went wrong.
  8. You aren’t willing to settle. Grown women have standards and they stick to them. You want someone who’s just as driven and focused as you are, if not more. If you’re not willing to settle for less than the best, you’ll have to deal with being single more often than you would like.
  9. You have a solid group of friends, so sometimes you leave guys hanging. You’re not available every Saturday night because you’ve built yourself a tribe of friends to rely on. That might intimidate insecure guys and scare them away. That shouldn’t bother you anyway, though — you’ve already got plans!
  10. You’re just doing you. The best women continually strive to better themselves. They’re so great because they take the time to work on themselves, not the other way around. If you’re focused on yourself right now you may not be open to finding a guy. And who says that’s a bad thing, anyway?
Piper Ryan is a NYC-based writer and matchmaker who works to bring millennials who are sick of dating apps and the bar scene together in an organic and efficient way. To date, she's paired up more than 120 couples, many of whom have gone on to get married. Her work has been highlighted in The New York Times, Time Out New York, The Cut, and many more.

In addition to runnnig her own business, Piper is passionate about charity work, advocating for vulnerable women and children in her local area and across the country. She is currently working on her first book, a non-fiction collection of stories focusing on female empowerment.