You’ve Been Dating For 3 Months But You’re Not Official: What’s Going On?

While everything feels amazing during this honeymoon period of a new relationship, if you’ve been dating for 3 months and you’re still not official, your BFFs might be pulling you aside to ask what’s going on. Should you even be waiting for things to happen, or try to make them official yourself or just move on already?

  1. You’re in a relationship rut. Wait a minute, a rut? When things feel so good and you’re happy? How can that be? Okay, take a deep breath. It’s easy to get into too much of a comfort zone when you’ve been dating for a while, like 3 months, and just go with the flow rather than pushing to make things official. The risk is that this might never happen with the person you’re dating. Generally, dating for two months is around the time when couples make things official. While there are no defined rules, you should bear that in mind. If you just carry on with the status quo, you could end up being stuck with nowhere to move forward.
  2. You’re not on the same page. Three months feels like a long time for you to date someone without having the girlfriend/boyfriend label, especially if you’re not dating anyone else and you’re hoping for the relationship to become official. This can cause you anxiety and stress, and rightly so. Three months is a long time for a big question mark to be hanging over you and the person you’re dating. I mean, you should know pretty soon after meeting if you see potential with the person, right? If you haven’t had The Talk yet, there are reasons why, like if you’re on different pages and want different things. It’s worth exploring these.
  3. You’re not his main priority. If you’re keen on him making a relationship move and telling you he wants to make things official but he seems to be dragging his feet, this can be super frustrating. It’s a red flag if he never wants to talk about how things are and where they’re going, and/or if he’s showing other signs that you’re not his priority. For example, he’s never keen on spending real time with you, and hanging out feels like you’re buddies instead of budding lovers.
  4. You’re not sure what you want. Listen, maybe you’re actually cool with how things are with the person you’re dating because you just want to enjoy the situation right now. You’re not ready to take that big step into official relationship territory, which is fine — as long as the other person shares the uncertainty. Otherwise, you’re going to end up with explosions and broken hearts. In other words, a big drama you really don’t need.
  5. You’re affected by situations. So, maybe things are getting in the way of your relationship becoming official. For example, maybe he’s in another country right now and you don’t want to have The Talk via a Zoom chat. Or, you’re just out of another relationship and really don’t want to get into something serious, so you’re taking it really slowly. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing, as long as you and the other person talk about it so you both know where you’re at right now and why you’ve hit the pause button.
  6. You’re not exclusive. Maybe your setup isn’t anything exclusive, so you’re just enjoying the time you spend together without getting too heavy. If you’re both cool with the idea, then dating for 3 months but not being official is NBD. Hesidating is a thing, after all. Again, it’s about having open communication and being aware of how you feel if your ideas about this person changes, especially if you want to become exclusive and official. Don’t snuff out those feelings that might come up and surprise you. Stay focused on what you want so you don’t ignore your needs.
  7. You’re not sure if he likes you. There are things that should be happening in your relationship if you’ve been dating exclusively for 3 months. You should know a lot about his life and wants, and you should’ve met important people in his life. You should feel that you’re building towards something, even if you haven’t had any relationship talks as yet. If you’re not sure if he likes you or you don’t feel like he’s opening up his life to you, then those are red flags that you might never actually define things.
  8. You’re making relationship assumptions. You might think that since the person’s awesome, sex with them is great, and you get along so well, things are naturally going to progress from casual dating to a serious relationship. Never make such assumptions! Unless the person has shown you with their actions that they’re keen on building a relationship with you, you could be getting the wrong message from them – which is a recipe for heartbreak.

How to tell you’re moving from casual dating to a serious relationship

Before you actually have The Talk or define the relationship, there are clear signs to look out for that your relationship is progressing to something more serious. These are important to keep an eye out for because, after all, just because the guy has said he wants to date you seriously, it doesn’t mean anything if he’s all talk and no action.

  1. Your relationship is solid. You can both freely talk about your feelings, desires, relationship goals, and more – without any fear of rejection, anxiety, or worry that the other person will shut down. Being able to talk to each other and work through your differences shows that there’s a good foundation in place for a more serious relationship.
  2. Your habits are matched. It sucks if you’re the only one who’s making an effort to prioritize the person in your life. If the person’s taking up so much thought and energy, but you feel like they would be cool without you in their life, that’s a bad sign that you’re not headed towards a relationship.
  3. You can see things are progressing. After three months of dating, you should see that your relationship is different from when you started seeing this person. Has there been progress, such as learning more about them and being invited into their lives? If not, then you’re stagnating and the future for you two doesn’t look bright.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.