You didn’t plan on it or do anything to prepare — it just happens and the last thing you want to do is stop it. While he’s getting busy between your legs, you’re internally freaking out. All you can think of is all the things you didn’t do and what he’ll think. Don’t worry, we all have those thoughts, so just calm down and enjoy a good tongue lashing.
“Dammit, I’m wearing my comfy undies.” How was I supposed to know he’d choose tonight to go down on me? I just grabbed my comfy undies, but I didn’t want anyone to actually see me in them. Now he’s going to think all I have are some kind of modern granny panties and he’ll never think I’m sexy again.
“I hope he doesn’t mind the jungle.” I can’t believe I forgot to shave today. I rush through my shower and now he’s going to have to deal with a prickly jungle. Maybe he won’t notice? Nope, he’s definitely noticed, but what a trooper, he’s still going through with it.
“Am I fresh? How sweaty have I been today?” Maybe taking three or four showers a day isn’t a bad idea. Maybe I should’ve at least changed undies after work instead of going straight to his place. I don’t smell anything weird, but I’m not that close, either. I can’t exactly bend over to check it out now.
“Would it ruin the mood to go wash off?” I know he’s almost got my skinny jeans off, but maybe it wouldn’t ruin the mood to just run and wipe off. He’ll never want to do this again if I’m sweaty. I know everyone’s junk gets sweaty, but still, just ew.
“I really need to pee.” He’s doing such a great job, but I wish I’d have taken a few minutes to pee before we started making out. It’s kind of the point of no return right now. I really don’t want to stop him just for a potty break.
“Please tell me I don’t have any cling-ons.” That restaurant toilet paper was kind of flimsy. Did it leave anything behind? I don’t think little white cling-ons are going to turn him on. I really should’ve checked that before I pulled my pants up. Oh well, he’ll just have to work around them.
“I’ve got to start doing yoga.” If only I were more flexible, I could get into some much better positions for this. Maybe I could do that whole legs by my head thing and give him a better angle. Too late now. He’ll just have to deal with that sort of half split thing.
“Why didn’t I have a less potent dinner?” Seriously, I had to eat garlic and fish? Has it made its way through me yet? I really should’ve just had a nice, simple salad and some fruit. There’s no way I taste good. He’s got to give me some notice so I’ll be better prepared.
“Those weren’t cramps earlier, were they?” I’m all for period sex, but oral isn’t going to happen. That’s just disgusting. I wish I’d have at least checked to make sure I hadn’t started yet. I’m not due, but Aunt Flow’s a bitch sometimes.
“Seriously, now I have to fart?” I should’ve just let rip earlier. I can’t let it go now. There’s no playing that off. He’s not going to notice my ass cheeks clinched tight, right? If I don’t move much, maybe I’ll be fine.
“Isn’t there some place more comfortable?” I really should’ve waited until we were somewhere more comfortable. This counter isn’t exactly comfortable and my ass is sliding everywhere. What the hell is under my left cheek? Wait to kiss him until the living room or bedroom next time.
“I should’ve asked what’s happening next — I still need to pee.” I know he’s going to want to go straight to sex after this. Why didn’t I just ask what he wanted to do tonight? I really would have made a beeline for the bathroom first. He might think squirting’s sexy, but a golden shower definitely isn’t.
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