Have you ever heard of “a two-week show”? You know the story – a man puts on a performance for about two weeks during the beginning stages of your relationship (or non-relationship), which is when he’s trying to impress you. In his mind, he’s still in hot pursuit of you in the beginning and therefore needs to plan dates and actually put effort in. Once he thinks he’s caught you, however, the curtain goes down and the show is over. You’re left wondering why he’s stopped trying and wishing the two of you could go back to the dynamic you had in the beginning. So what changed?
You started pursuing him. He’ll no longer pursue you if he feels you’re now pursuing him. If you start inviting him to things, initiating contact, and showing too much interest, why would he feel he needs to continue his pursuit? You need to let him come to you, not the other way around. It really is that simple.
You agreed to a night in too early. He used to take you out to cool restaurants and bars, but now he’s stopped planning dates like that. Why did he stop taking you out? One Friday night, he probably asked you if you’d like to just come over to his place to have some wine and watch Netflix. You agreed, and the date-night-in was born. You see, once a guy thinks you’re cool with just chillin’ at his place, there’s a chance he might stop taking you out altogether, because inviting you over is so much easier for him. The cardinal rule is not to agree to go back to his place at all – for any reason – too early on.
You slept with him too soon. Sorry, but it’s true. Men often will look at you differently if you sleep with them too soon. They’d prefer to place a higher value on your affection, which only happens if you make them earn it.
You showed all your cards. Maintain an air of mystery for as long as you possibly can. He shouldn’t always know where you are, what you’re doing, or know everything you’re feeling when you feel it. Not yet, anyway. If he thinks you’re mysterious and wants to get to know you and find out what you like, he’ll try harder to get to know you on a deeper level. Mysterious women are incredibly sexy – even if it’s just an illusion.
You’re overly attentive to his needs. Maybe you’re too available, too flexible, or revolve your life around his schedule. Maybe you politely offer to meet him at the restaurant rather than asking him to pick you up. Maybe you’re even bringing him gifts. All of these actions prove that he need not put forth too much effort. You’ve made it clear you’re his, and that you’re not going anywhere. You’re allowing him to be lazy, and trying so hard so that he doesn’t have to try at all.
You don’t have high enough standards. You should have high standards for how you deserve to be treated. For example, if he blows off plans with you, you can’t be too nice about it. If you’re too nice, he’ll walk all over you instead of trying to be better for you. If he thinks he can get away with treating you badly, he’ll keep pushing boundaries to see what he can get away with.
You’re complacent. Instead of asking for the things you deserve (like a dinner out instead of takeout at home for once), you settle for what you’re given. Whether it’s because you’re worried you’re going to scare him away or you don’t want to come across as high-maintenance, you have for some reason decided not to communicate what you want to your man. If a man likes you, he won’t think you’re high maintenance. Instead, he’ll respect you for standing up for what you deserve, as it shows you have self-respect. If that scares him away, good riddance! He’s just boy, not a man.
You never give him a time-out. If a guy you’re dating is acting like an immature boy instead of a respectful man, give him a time out! Treat him like a child if he’s acting like one. The best way to teach him a lesson is to avoid him for a few days, making it clear that you’ve got one foot out the door. Then he’ll realize that he needs to up his game or you’re out.
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