Believe it or not, there is such a thing as being too giving. You shouldn’t give up your sweet, generous spirit, but you can’t let people take advantage of you either. It can be a huge problem in relationships if you give too much — believe me, I know first-hand. Here are 10 things that happen when you give too much:
You put up with bad behavior just to keep the peace. You have to be careful not to do this, especially in the beginning of a relationship. When you’re a naturally giving person, it’s in your nature to tolerate imperfect behavior from other people. Taking someone as he is isn’t a bad quality, but don’t confuse that with letting him treat you poorly. You’ll set a bad precedent for the future and only end up making yourself miserable.
You end up with mediocre men. Because you’re so tolerant and loving, you overlook red flags when you meet guys. Don’t. You’ll end up with someone who doesn’t appreciate you or treat you right. Instead of spreading your love out to undeserving guys time and time again, hold back and wait for the man who truly understands what he has in you. You’re better than mediocre, so don’t accept it from anyone else.
Guys take advantage of you. You’re so willing to give without reservation that men see you as easy prey. They treat your kindness as weakness and take liberties with your affection when they know they shouldn’t. You’re allowing them to be lazy and selfish. Don’t do it! If you don’t expect much, you won’t get much. Making a guy work for it isn’t a bad thing — he should want to impress you as much as you do him.
You put yourself in unhealthy positions. You are, to some extent, responsible for the way your partner treats you. If you’re picking the wrong men and then allowing them to get away with all kinds of bad behavior, you’re going to end up in a bad situation. You have to temper your giving tendencies with logic and intelligence. Otherwise, you get to a crappy place pretty quickly and can’t reverse the issue.
You lose sight of your own goals. It’s very common to focus entirely on your partner and relationship when you’re a naturally giving person. It’s much easier to give, give, give than to deal with your own problems in life. Giving makes you happy — it’s almost as if you’re addicted to the high it brings. In the process, you let your own ambitions and plans fall by the wayside.
You can’t understand why he doesn’t appreciate you. It’s actually quite simple: He doesn’t appreciate what you do because you do too much. If you’re spending all your time giving and expecting nothing in return, that becomes the status quo for the relationship. He’s so used to you giving without him asking that he doesn’t feel any need to thank you for it.
You end up feeling helpless and resentful. You’re only hurting yourself by giving without reserve to someone who doesn’t appreciate it. You inevitably feel trapped in an unhealthy relationship, and you’re so used to giving that you just keep up the same behavior even though it isn’t working. You somehow keep hoping that he’ll change his ways, but you don’t give him any reason to do so.
He actually resents you back. Sometimes excessive giving gets the opposite response that you’d expect. Because all you do is give and give and give endlessly, he may feel like he can never do enough for you in return. You think you’re a good partner, but he feels inadequate and emasculated. No guy likes to think his partner is constantly unhappy with him. If you’re both going into things 50/50, you’re way more likely to feel happy and fulfilled.
You create an imbalance you can’t fix. By giving so much, you set a pattern in the very beginning of the relationship, and now you’re stuck. Your constant compulsion to give so much of yourself to your partner isn’t healthy at all. You’d be better off if you exercised a little restraint instead.
You don’t know when to end it. You’re so used to giving all the time that you’re not sure when enough is enough. If you’re always letting him take advantage of you and your kindness, you hardly know when he’s crossed a line. The relationship is a mess from the very beginning. Do yourself a favor and start over. Take time off from dating and figure out how to set limits instead.
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