When you’re in a relationship with someone you love with your whole heart, it can be easy to let a lot of problematic things slide. You might not even notice how much your partner is preying on your vulnerabilities and insecurities until you’re completely broken. If you notice any of these signs, it means your partner is chipping away at your self-esteem and you need to rethink your relationship.
- They make no effort to encourage you. When you love someone and mean well for them, you do your best to support their dreams and interests even if you don’t really agree with them. If your partner has a habit of crushing your dreams or making you feel like your achievements don’t matter, that’s something you shouldn’t ignore. If you let this trend continue, you might end up feeling like everything you do or want to do is worthless and not worth exploring.
- They constantly criticize you. I’m not saying that your partner has to go along with everything you do and only say positive things to you. There’s room for criticism in every healthy relationship, but it should be done with respect, tact, and grace. If criticizing you seems to be all your partner does, then they’re trying to say you’re not good enough. A partner who attacks your confidence or makes you feel like you can’t do anything right is not good for you.
- They take over tasks instead of asking if you want help. If your partner constantly steps in and takes over a task, they might be sending a message that they don’t think you’re capable of doing things on your own. Or maybe they always recheck or redo something after you’ve done it, which is a sign that they think you’re incompetent and unable to do good job. After a while, you’re going to start internalizing that perception of yourself.
- You feel like their love comes with conditions. Are you constantly afraid of your partner abandoning you over the slightest mistake? When they make it seem as though you have to earn their respect, approval, or love, it can make you feel like you’re not good enough for them. You shouldn’t have to audition for your partner’s affections. You deserve to be loved just the way you are. You shouldn’t settle for a relationship where you have to work hard to deserve your partner’s presence in your life.
- They transfer their frustrations onto you. You go through stress every day, but you don’t come home and take it out on your partner so they shouldn’t be doing it to you. If your partner constantly brings home their worries, anger, sadness, and frustrations from other parts of their life and makes you feel responsible for their emotions, that’s not healthy. They can express themselves without making you feel like the negativity in their life is your fault.
- They make all the decisions without consulting you. Your thoughts and feelings are just as important as your partner’s, and if you’re constantly being denied the opportunity to express them, your self-esteem could take a huge hit as a result. When your partner feels the need to control every aspect of the relationship, it means they don’t care what you think or respect your opinions.
- When something goes wrong, you assume you’re to blame. Dating someone who nitpicks everything you do and offers unnecessary and unwanted suggestions can make feel like you can’t do anything right. So when things go wrong in the relationship you just automatically assume it’s your fault. Your self-esteem has endured so many beatings that you’ve come to see yourself as a screw-up.
- They talk down to you. No reasonable adult likes to be treated like a child. Even children don’t like to be treated like children. A partner who talks down to you like you’re stupid or who belittles or mocks you in public is saying that they think you’re less than they are. They’re saying you’re undeserving of the dignity of being respected and treated like a grown-up. Things like this can have a negative impact on your self-esteem.
- They don’t do anything to make you feel special. If your partner doesn’t make an effort to make your feel important in their lives, you might want to pick up your shoes and run. The person you’re dating should be willing and happy to go all out for you. They should want to show you how special you are to them. If they’re not doing that, that relationship is headed for the rocks.
- You feel like you have to settle for the relationship. Maybe you feel like being unhappy or demeaned is the price you have to pay for your partner loving you. Or maybe you feel trapped, vulnerable, and not in control of what happens in the relationship. This feeling is not normal. It’s a sign that your partner is destroying your self-esteem. You’re deserving of a love that makes you feel free, appreciated, fulfilled, and happy. Start demanding it.
