10 Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist

Narcissism is a real thing, and it goes way beyond being slightly self-involved. We all have our moments of being obsessed with our own dramas, but there comes a point when it’s more than a phase. If you suspect you might be dating a narcissist, there are plenty of tell-tale signs.

  1. The only acceptable topic of conversation is him. Narcissists are known for talking about themselves… all the time. Therefore, everything that happens has to do with him in some way, and anything he doesn’t agree with or can’t associate with himself is swept aside quickly. If you can’t remember the last time you got a good word in about, well, anything… you might be dealing with a narcissist.
  2. He’s not sorry. He’s never sorry. Since narcissists spend all of their time being completely self-involved, he’s not going to be real moved by your totally valid accusation against him. Narcissists just don’t care about your feelings the way most people do. If your man’s a narcissist, he probably has an air about him that says, “I can do whatever I want and IDGAF how you feel about it, babe.”
  3. He turns everything around on you. Everything you do is a personal insult against him. For example, you come home from work completely exhausted and somehow it becomes an argument because you came home with an “attitude” after all he does for you. Borderline magician style, over here. He looks truly distraught because he is. He always manages to make your mood about him, because how could it possibly not be?
  4. You’re always at fault. A true narcissist will come up with the most random ways to make you responsible for something that went wrong in his life, and you might actually believe it. But let’s be honest, even if it was your fault that he was late to work because you had a flat tire, you didn’t pop the damn tire on purpose. Plus, one late day shouldn’t have been enough to get him fired, and you wouldn’t put that on him if the tables were turned.
  5. You don’t feel like he really knows you, even though you’ve been together a while. How is a narcissist supposed to get to know your inner thoughts and dreams when he’s busy listening to himself talk? If you feel like you’ve spent a good amount of bonding time together but there just doesn’t seem to be much of a bond there to speak of, you might be right.
  6. He’s a know-it-all. He might not be listening to you, but try to give your opinion on anything or correct him on something he’s wrong about and the narcissist is going to hop in with the “real” truth on that topic. How ridiculous of anyone to think otherwise. Don’t be surprised, however, when you hear him repeating something you said earlier to someone else, even though he shot it down cold at the time.
  7. You get annoyed more often than usual. You’re usually pretty chill in relationships, but with this guy, there’s just always something. Even when you’re not outright fighting, there are too many of those little moments where you’re left feeling slighted. Couldn’t he have at least asked if you wanted something from the Chinese place before he ordered? Did he really need to point out that your pants looked a little tight after he showed you his rock hard abs?
  8. He presents an exaggerated version of himself. The narcissist loves to make other people think he’s awesome, which can require some false image projection to keep up. Instead of coming from an authentic place (which can get transparent and vulnerable), that narcissistic guy will lead with trophies in his sexual life, finances, material goods, religion, affiliations, etc. Pretty much anything he can throw at you to “prove” how great he is, he will.
  9. He’s kind of a snake… At first you thought it was cute and exciting how he’d find ways to cut lines and avoid jury duty, but now you’re starting to wonder if he’s just a real jerk. The narcissist has been known to bully the wait staff, not give up seats for old ladies, and has no qualms about taking the moral low ground. Rules weren’t necessarily made to be broken, but they sure don’t seem to apply to him.
  10. … But he’s also very charming. You wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t! The narcissist knows when to turn on the charm to keep people around, otherwise they would lose all the people who have to listen to his bragging. Keep in mind that not all charmers are narcissists, but the ones that are will go out of their way to sweep women off their feet and then drop them when they get bored. Real prince. Which is actually how he might refer to himself from time to time.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog ThatsRandomKate.blogspot.com