18 Signs You’re Too Good For Him & He Doesn’t Deserve You

It’s funny how blind we can be to the people we date and fall for. If we could look at our own love lives the way that we look at our friends’, it would be a whole different story. We can tell our BFF that her guy was awful or that she’s much better off after a breakup, sure. But, we can’t seem to judge the guys we date in the same way. We’re all super guilty of being hung-up on someone and months later realizing we can’t believe we were even into them the first place. Here are 10 signs you’re too good for him and he definitely doesn’t deserve you. Consider it your common sense checklist.

  1. He has zero motivation. This is the biggest turn-off in the world, especially if you’re an ambitious woman who works constantly. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t share your dreams, goals, and values? If he’s unemployed and isn’t even looking for a job, he’s not the one. If he’s in school but doesn’t care if he ever graduates, stop cutting him slack. He’s probably not going to amount to anything. Plus, you’re going to be stuck taking care of him financially and emotionally. Fun, right? Not. You’re way too good for him.
  2. He doesn’t keep his word. Maybe he’s a liar or he cheated on you. Or, maybe he just doesn’t show up places that he’s supposed to be. If he truly respects you, he doesn’t turn up late when you’re meeting for dinner. He doesn’t just not show up when you’re throwing a party. You want and need someone who does exactly what they say they’re going to, period.
  3. You make excuses for him 24/7. You wouldn’t stay friends with someone who behaved super badly all the time. If you would, you should probably rethink that. So, why are you dating someone who does the same thing? Why not hold out for a guy who is exactly what he says he is? You should never have to explain away someone’s behavior. If you do, that’s a problem.
  4. You feel totally humiliated. You tell everyone you know that he’s definitely “The One” and that you’ve finally found your soulmate. Then he says he just wants to hook up. You get engaged or decide to move in together… and then he changes his mind. These are all pretty embarrassing. No one deserves to feel embarrassed by their boyfriend. It’s not junior high anymore. We’re all adults here and we don’t need to feel that awkward emotion. He should be clear about what he wants.
  5. He’s never on your wavelength about anything. We all have different interests, hobbies, levels of education, skills, talents, etc. If we were all the same, life would be so boring. But, you should learn something from the person you’re seeing. You should grow from the experience of being in a relationship with them. If you’re always referencing stuff that he just doesn’t get, that’s not good. If he doesn’t seem to get your sense of humor or if he doesn’t have much to offer in terms of conversation, it’s probably time to say goodbye. You need to get something out of this deal other than just being able to call someone your boyfriend.
  6. Your BFFs hate him. When you’re with someone, you’re bringing them into your world. That means all the people you love have to deal with them, too. If your BFFs don’t like your new guy for whatever reason, you might want to stop and think carefully about why. Chances are, they’ve got a weird feeling for a reason. And since they just want the best for you, maybe you should listen. After all, if he was super amazing and perfect for you, they would be jumping for joy right you along with you. If they’re your true friends, they’re not going to make stuff up. The truth is that you’re just too good for him.
  7. He laughs at you. There are genuinely funny guys who can make any moment a million times better. And then there are those jerks that we all know too well who turn everything into a joke and try to make you feel bad. It doesn’t matter how hot or incredible you think this guy is. If he insults you or is always laughing at your expense, you don’t need him in your life.
  8. He acts like a jerk on the first date. Twenty minutes into the evening, he feels the desperate need to go outside to smoke a cigarette. He does the same thing 20 minutes later. Then he takes a phone call or has to reply to a text. Guess what? If he acts like he has zero interest in sitting across from you and chatting, he definitely doesn’t deserve a second date. Pay attention to how he acts on a first date because it’s definitely going to just keep getting worse if you keep seeing him.
  9. He believes his opinion is the only one that counts. This is really the worst, because an opinion is just that – an opinion. It’s not fact, it’s just how you feel and how you think. We’re all different and we don’t all love the same stuff. It’s great to have differences and to challenge each other. However, if he talks over you or belittles your thoughts and feelings, this is a major sign that you’re too good for him. Get rid of him, STAT.
  10. He doesn’t get how lucky he is. The sucky reality of modern dating aside, there should still be some old-school romance. A guy should make you feel like he totally knows how great it is that you’re together (and you should feel the same way about him, of course). If he takes you for granted or doesn’t realize how special you are, why are you even with him?
  11. He’s your first priority, but you’re not his. In healthy long-term relationships, each person’s proverbial priority list should have their partner’s name pretty darn close to the top. If you make a conscious effort every day to make your boyfriend happy but he goes through life caring first and foremost about himself, he doesn’t deserve you. You’re giving your all, and you deserve someone who does the same for you.
  12. He’d prefer time with his buddies over time with you. Does he hang out with with the guys more than you, or consider your “quality time” together to be you tagging along with him and his drinking buddies? Don’t put up with that crap. There’s a guy out there who wants to spend time with you. Just you.
  13. You make and keep plans but he doesn’t. Your one-on-one time is important to you, and should be to him too. If he can’t stick to a plan — or worse, ditches you — move on, sister. You can do better than that.
  14. You pay for everything. Now, I’m a modern woman. There’s nothing wrong with treating your guy or splitting the check. But if you’re picking up the tab more often than not, this indicates two things: he’s not putting forth any effort to impress you and he’s not being fair about finances, which is just plain disrespectful. You shouldn’t have to fund all the excursions with your hard-earned money. NEXT!
  15. You always answer his messages but he ignores yours. Even if it’s not immediate, you always get back to him so he knows he’s important to you. And when he routinely doesn’t respond to you, take it for what it is: you’re not important enough to him to put in the effort. Screw that.
  16. His idea of a relationship is “friends with benefits.” You’re wondering where this is going, but he says he “doesn’t want to ruin things” by rushing them. If you’ve been dating or hooking up for some time and he doesn’t want things to progress (but you do), it’s time to find something more promising than a stagnant relationship.
  17. You don’t always need to get wasted to have a good time, but he does. It’s fun to drink and even get drunk sometimes, but if that’s all he wants to do, while you’d rather hike, sightsee or check out a new tapas restaurant, you’ve eclipsed his level of maturity. Time to move on to something better.
  18. Your career goals far surpass his. Do you have dreams of climbing the career ladder while he’d rather be… stuck? Your aspirations to make yourself a success are admirable and should be matched by your partner. Don’t let his lack of motivation drag you down. You should be with someone who always inspires you to accomplish bigger, better things.
  19. He tells you outright that you’re too good for him. If these words are coming out of his mouth, he’s either trying to get you to leave him or he lacks self-confidence. Neither is a good sign. Take him at his word and leave.

Why you shouldn’t stick around if you’re too good for him

Even if you really like him and you’re willing to overlook his shortcomings, here’s why you really shouldn’t.

  1. He isn’t ready to rise to your level, and that’s OK. Sometimes the timing is just off — it happens. He met you and felt an initial attraction because you’re amazing, but that doesn’t mean he’s ready for a relationship with such a dynamic woman. If you’re too good for him right now, don’t wait for him to take things up a notch.
  2. The whole “you’re too good for me” thing is a cop-out. A lot of men will give you the “you’re amazing/perfect, but…” breakup speech and it sucks. He could be just covering up the real reason he’s not into taking things any further, but you don’t need to concern yourself with the details. The only point you need to focus on is that he’s not the guy for you, and there’s someone out there who is.
  3. You’re still amazing without him. Sometimes the pressure to couple up is intense. You start to believe that being with anyone is better than being alone, which can lead to a major drop in standards. Sticking around for a guy who’s not good enough for you will only drag you down. Don’t let it happen.
  4. The right guy already has his act together. If you’re not a parent (and even if you are), you certainly don’t want to be his. It’s not your job to teach him how to be a mature adult or a good boyfriend. If he’s not already there, he can get there on his own time. You have better things to do with your time and energy.
  5. You’re a challenge to keep up with, and that’s badass. Being so amazing just means you set the bar really high, and that’s a good thing. The best thing I’ve ever heard a guy say was that he’s attracted a woman who’s just out of his reach because he feels she’s a step up from what he deserves, and not the other way around. Basically, he’s man enough to work for her.
  6. You should celebrate this loss because it’s a win. When you walk away from a guy who can never give you what you want and deserve, it’s not really a loss to you at all. If anything, you should celebrate the fact that you’re someone who deserves more than what he was willing to give you.
  7. The ending is inevitable. If it doesn’t happen now, it will eventually. Not that you know you’re too good for him, you’ll never be able to forget it. It’s not about being conceited or high-maintenance, it’s about knowing your worth. He doesn’t. It’s not because he’s not capable of being a great man, it’s because he just isn’t there yet.
  8. Something better is coming. Whenever anything ends or doesn’t go as you hoped it would, it means it wasn’t what’s meant for you. Don’t get lost in the fact that something didn’t work out — focus on the fact that something better will. Don’t settle in the meantime.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor. She shares gluten-free, dairy-free recipes and personal stories on her food blog, ahealthystory.com. She loves coffee, barre classes and pop culture.