10 Signs You’re Working Way Too Hard To Keep Your Partner

Making an effort is always a must in any relationship to keep it thriving, but if you’re doing these 10 things, you need to take a step back. After all, partnerships should be 50/50 and if you’re doing all the work, it’s just not worth it.

  1. You drop everything for them. If your partner knows you have a book club evening but they call you because they need you, they clearly expect you to drop everything for them. Don’t do it unless it’s an emergency. If you’re always shuffling your schedule around for them, it’s a sign you’re throwing the rest of your life under the bus.
  2. You feel you don’t need anyone else. It’s addictive to date someone you find amazing. You get the urge to be with them and only them all the time. But this is unrealistic. You still need other people in your life. If you’re insistent that you only need your partner, then maybe you’re spending all your time with them and trying way too hard to make things work. A little distance can be just what you both need to keep things interesting and healthy.
  3. You preempt what they could want. They finished work early and you think they’re probably going to ask you out, so you get ready because you don’t want to miss out on seeing them. They have a family get-together this weekend so you buy them a new shirt to wear. While it’s cool to try to think about what your partner wants, it’s not healthy if you’re always trying to impress them. Let things happen naturally and don’t neglect thinking about yourself, for goodness’ sake.
  4. You go on last-minute dates. Even though you hate leaving the house without makeup on or you’re exhausted, you’ll never say no to a last-minute date with your new partner. Yikes. Not only does this scream “I’ve got nothing else special in my life to do!” but it shows the person that you’ll do whatever they want. Set some boundaries for yourself.
  5. You’re deathly afraid of sending the wrong text. Here’s a sign that you care way too much about what your partner thinks. During a chat on WhatsApp, you might send them an interesting story you heard or cute meme only to freak out that your partner will think it’s stupid/childish/insulting. This can make you censor yourself out of fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. Wow.
  6. You’re terrified that they’ll dump you. Part of the reason why you might be trying so hard to say and do what you think will impress your partner is because you’re afraid they’ll break up with you. By doing this, you’re not being yourself, and that can ironically make your partner not want to be with you. You’re screwing yourself over.
  7. You say yes when you mean no. Your partner wants to hit the strip clubs with their friends and you hate the idea but you don’t want to upset them so you say that it’s cool. Your partner wants to go camping with you and that’s not your thing but you don’t want to disappoint them so you say yes. If you never say no to anyone, you’ll always be saying no to what you truly want! When lying to your partner, they’ll see right through it eventually.
  8. You never fight. When your partner upsets you, you always let it go to keep the peace. But peace is sometimes overrated. Biting your tongue can cause you to hide what’s really important to you while also letting issues not get dealt with. That’ll cause bigger problems down the line.
  9. You don’t talk about your problems. When you have a crappy day, you don’t turn to your partner because you don’t want to bring any negativity their way. Maybe you want to be the mellow girlfriend who’s always happy. Ugh. That’s not real. You’re supposed to be with someone you can talk to and in whom you can confide.
  10. You’re the one leading the relationship. Feeling exhausted lately? It could be because you’re the one who’s basically carrying the entire relationship on your shoulders. Whatever happened to your partner meeting you halfway? If you’re trying to do more to overcompensate for how they’re totally lacking, you’re on a one-way road to despair.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.