If you’re actively dating, it’s inevitable — you’re going to go on a couple (hundred) terrible dates before you find someone you actually like. Even then, he probably won’t like you back and it will be back to square one. I guess you could say I’m a little disillusioned with the dating process, partly because it feels like a giant waste of time and partly because all I can seem to think about is all the things I’d literally rather be doing than going on one more terrible date:
- Stay late at work. No one likes putting in extra hours at work, but if my choices are staying late, getting lots of work done and looking like a fantastic employee to my boss, or listening to some guy from Tinder talk about his ex-girlfriend over a sub par glass of sangria, then I’m definitely going to go with the former.
- Get a bikini wax. I don’t know about anyone else, but I dread waxing any part of my body and generally try to avoid it as best as I can. That being said, I’d probably take that temporary physical pain over the long term dull ache of having to on dates with guy after guy who would rather watch the baseball game over my shoulder than actually talk to me.
- Get drinks with my frenemy. That friend that kind of drives me crazy but somehow has a few redeeming qualities is definitely better company than the last guy I went on a date with who told me he “doesn’t really read”, tipped the waitress 50 cents and asked me what my bra size was before I was halfway through my first drink.
- Sign up for a 6am boot camp. I’m already not a morning person, and if I know I’m dragging my ass out of bed at the crack of dawn just to go get sweaty in a park, there’s pretty much no chance I’m getting up. But I’d do it if it meant I’d have an excuse to get out of dinner with the guy who was so boring I actually felt myself start to drift off while he yammered on about his finance job.
- Clean out my fridge. There are a few Tupperware containers in the back full of who knows what, but I’d gladly clean those out and scrub the sticky raspberry juice of the bottom shelf instead of meeting up with the guy who told me I looked skinnier in my pictures.
- Organize my finances. It’s never a bad time to hammer out a good solid budget, even if it’s Saturday night and I was supposed to meet the guy from OKCupid who would rather hit on the waitress and continue to swipe Tinder matches under the table while I sat right there. At least I would feel like I accomplished something.
- Get rid of half my wardrobe. I don’t need most of it anyway, but it’s still not going to be easy to throw out that perfectly good green dress I wore to my cousin’s wedding three years ago. If it means I can avoid going out with the guy my friend’s boyfriend set me up with because he’s literally the only single guy they know, I’ll throw out my entire wardrobe but what I’m wearing right now.
- Finally paint the bathroom. Sure, it’s going to be a pain in the ass to tape around the toilet, vanity and tub, but I bought this mauve paint months ago and it will get me out of going for dinner with the guy who ordered the fillet mignon and an expensive bottle of wine and devoured it before “realizing” he “forgot” his wallet at home.
- Roll all my loose change. I probably have, like, 50 bucks in dimes and nickles! And if it means I’ll never have to meet the guy who is probably gay but isn’t quite ready to admit it yet, then it sounds like a wild Friday night to me.
- Rewrite my online dating profile. Clearly if I keep ending up on dates with the winners I’ve been going out with lately, it’s time to give my profile an overhaul. But I’d rather just binge watch Sex and the City instead. Either way, it’s better than another date with a guy who I’ll never see again.
