10 Ways I’m Taking Control Of My Love Life — And You Should Too

Being single and being in control of that (lack of) relationship status are definitely mutually exclusive. Like most single women, I try my best to stay positive but have no idea what’s going to happen in my dating life or when I’m finally going to meet a decent guy. That doesn’t mean I can’t take charge, at least in some ways. Here are 10 ways I’m determined to take control of my love life:

  1. Learn to go with the flow (but actually do it). I know that in theory, this is the best way to approach dating, and yet in reality, it’s a whole different story. I never stop worrying about whether I’m ever going to meet someone or if I should be going on more first dates. I’m resolving to stop the spinning thoughts in my head and just accept whatever is happening.
  2. Don’t take anything so personally. I’m going to stop thinking that it’s my fault if a guy cancels on me, whether he texts me days before a date or bails an hour before. It has nothing to do with me, and it doesn’t mean that a guy will never keep a plan. It just happens sometimes, and it’s truly no big deal.
  3. Hope for the best and yet still expect the worst. I go back and forth between thinking that a first date will go well and telling myself not to get my hopes up, but being miserable about dating is getting old lately. I’m going to hope for the best and still expect the worst so I’m being optimistic with a healthy dose of realism too.
  4. Ask more guys out. I’ve never had any trouble making the first move, and that’s never changed. But I’m resolving to ask even more guys out, even if I’m nervous or aren’t sure that it’s the right thing to do. Everything is a gamble and a risk, so I might as well try.
  5. Stop being so negative. I’m the queen of telling my BFFs to keep their heads up about the whole dating thing, and yet I can get down in the dumps about it myself when I’ve gone on yet another disappointing night out. It’s tough to keep a smile plastered on my face in this weird dating culture, and yet I know it’s absolutely necessary. It’s a matter of survival at this point.
  6. Believe in fate. I have my moments, but I’m pretty much the opposite of a hopeless romantic. I will never be a damsel in distress, and Prince Charming definitely only exists in a story. From now on, I’m going to believe in fate — not because I’m being unrealistic, but because it’s honestly nice to believe in something. Especially when there’s often disappointment after disappointment.
  7. Cut myself some slack. There are times in my life when I just can’t date, thanks to work or travel or getting sick. There’s no reason for me to feel like I’m slacking off or failing because I’m not lining up any first dates. It’s all good. I’m going to give myself a break more often for now on.
  8. Go on more second dates (if possible). I used to think that a second date was a rare and magical thing, like a rainbow or going an entire year without a cold. I’m totally done with that attitude. From now on, unless the guy is a complete creep or we have absolutely nothing in common, I’m saying yes to second dates.
  9. Drink less on first dates. Drinks date are my favorite kind, and meeting for coffee is just not my thing. Alcohol is my BFF when I’m meeting someone for the first time since it just makes the whole evening a bit lighter and more fun. The problem is that even two glasses of wine are enough to make me super sleepy and start overthinking things on the subway ride home. I’m determined to set a one-drink maximum on first dates. My sanity is going to thank me.
  10. Stop single-shaming myself. Being confident and being completely 100 percent okay with being single are two different things. It’s almost impossible not to wish that I had a boyfriend already. But from this moment on, I’m going to stop worrying about my lack of a relationship and start appreciating the things that I do have in my life. My job and my friends and family are going to get me through the bad dates and the weird situations, just like they have all this time. Who cares if I’m still single? That doesn’t mean anything except I haven’t met the right guy yet. It’s going to be such a relief to stop worrying about this.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.