You’re Not Bitter About Love, You’re Realistic — And That’s A Good Thing

You totally want to find a great guy, but you realize that the chances of that happening are super slim (and that even if you do find one, you’ll probably deal with a whole bunch of losers before then). Because you’re smart, you approach love a little differently, which can be hard for people to accept. But doing these 10 things in love doesn’t make you bitter, it makes you realistic — and that’s a good thing:

  1. Taking it super slow. You don’t want to jump right in because you want to protect your heart for as long as you can. Nothing good happens when you let yourself be vulnerable way too soon (and you’ve learned that the hard way, that’s for sure). But you’re not bitter, you’re just giving your new love as good a chance as any to actually survive.
  2. Not getting overly excited about seemingly great guys. You know that the worst thing you can possibly do when you meet a new guy is obsess over him. Been there, done that, totally messed up. You don’t get super excited when you meet someone great these days. Sure, you still like him and think he has great BF potential, but you don’t want to get your hopes up only to have them come crashing down. You’re not negative, you’re just being logical.
  3. Wanting your own space. You don’t want to be attached to your boyfriend’s hip. In fact, that’s the absolute last thing that you’re looking for. You want your own space because you know that’s the only way that things will even remotely work out. If you and your BF can be your own people, you can be much happier together.
  4. Expecting the worst. Sometimes you just have to expect the worst and hope for the best, especially when it comes to dating. If you think that every first date will suck, you’re not actually as bitter as other people might think. You’re just being super realistic and you’re actually being smart. This way when you do like someone and things go well, it’s a really happy surprise.
  5. Overthinking. Sometimes overthinking is actually a good thing. You want to make sure that you know what you’re getting yourself into… and you want to figure out any red flags before getting too involved with this new guy. So yeah, you’re going to spend some time thinking about his text messages, his behavior, his conversation, etc. but you’re not going to spiral out of control or anything. You just want to be realistic about what to expect here.
  6. Keeping things a secret. You used to tell your BFFs absolutely everything about your love life, from the good to the bad to the in-between. Now you don’t want to spill until you have something real to talk about. You don’t think that keeping things a secret is a bad thing — you’re just being realistic. If things don’t work out, you don’t want your friends to feel sorry for you.
  7. Focusing on other things. Just because you want to kill it when it comes to your career and your hobbies doesn’t mean that you don’t believe in love. You just realize that love isn’t the be all, end all of life and that other stuff is important, too. That attitude is only going to make your next relationship much healthier.
  8. Expecting the letdown. Every time you get truly psyched about a new guy, you end up disappointed. So now you tend to expect to get let down at some point, whether it’s on date number two or after two months. Sure, some people might say that’s being super negative and maybe it is, but it’s better than falling apart. The fact of the matter is that new relationships crash and burn sometimes and it’s pretty naive to expect otherwise.
  9. Wanting to feel something. You’re not crazy if you want to actually feel some sort of connection on the first date. People might tell you that you’re being too picky or innocent but hey, you’re totally cool with living your single life until you meet a guy you actually care about.
  10. Wanting some form of chivalry. It’s not that you expect to be treated to a four-course dinner every time you go out with someone new, but some form of chivalry would be pretty nice. Manners are definitely not dead and you’re not nuts for expecting them.
  11. Making judgement calls. Your friends might call you way too picky if you literally pick apart what a guy did and said on a first date. You’re not doing anything wrong, though — you’re making legit judgment calls to figure out if he’s a decent person and if he’s going to fit into your life. Everything is fair game, from how to treats the waiter to how he talks to you.
  12. Going with your gut. At the end of the day, you know that you have a built-in BFF and that’s your gut instincts. You deserve to listen to them and do the right thing for you. You’re not bitter at all, you’re just being realistic, and that’s what’s going to get you your best love story yet.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.