The 12 Worst Pieces Of Relationship Advice On The Internet

The Internet: where people go to ask complete strangers for advice on medical ailments, love, and hell, just about anything. Anyone can hide behind a computer and play relationship expert, but not all advice is created equally. Here are the 12 pieces of relationship advice you need to ignore if you ever want to live happily ever after:

  1. Find a man that loves you more than you love him. The logic behind this is that he will always treat you right, and never stray. He will recognize that you are the best thing that ever happened to him. The problem with this is that you should be secure enough in your relationship to find someone you can love equally. Being loved and adored is so much better when you actually love the person back.
  2. You will find someone when you stop looking. Okay, so it makes sense that if you put too much effort into your search for Mr. Right, you’ll come off as desperate and undesirable, but you aren’t going to meet the man of your dreams (or anyone for that matter) when you’re attached to your couch watching on Bravo. Don’t make your search for love your top priority, but do be proactive. Put yourself in situations that have the potential to meet someone new, romantic or otherwise.
  3. Lower your expectations. As if! This little piece of advice suggests that being with anyone is better than being alone. You know what you want and what you deserve and you should be content rolling solo until you find it. A strong confident woman like you would rather spend time by herself than in the company of a total dud.
  4. Play hard to get. Because god forbid you’re upfront with someone (and yourself) and let them know how you feel! Maybe it’s true that some guys prefer the chase, but those are not the guys you should want chasing you. A real man knows what he wants and goes after it, and wants a woman who will do the same.
  5. Let him make the first move. Because apparently it isn’t ladylike if you do it first? Newsflash ladies, men love it when you make the first move. Not only does it take the pressure off of them, but it’s also pretty hard for them to resist. The only people who think you should wait for the man to make the first move are other women who don’t have the balls to do it themselves. So obviously, they don’t want you doing it, either.
  6. Wait until the (fill in the blank) date to sleep together. Everyone has their own “rules” of when it is okay to sleep with someone, and none of them are right. You know when it’s okay to sleep with someone? When you want to, when it feels right, and when you are ready to accept the consequences.
  7. Make him jealous. In other words, act like a child. Jealousy is an ugly trait, so why would you intentionally want to bring it out of someone? Sure it may peak his interest at first, but he will quickly discover you are immature and will be ready to move on to someone more ready for an adult relationship.
  8. Find a man who can “take care” of you. What an antiquated tip! Here’s an idea: find a way to take care of yourself, be it searching for a better job or going back to school. Find a man who can take care of you emotionally and physically and learn how to pay your own bills.
  9. Love conquers all. If only love could conquer lies, infidelities, and irreconcilable differences, the divorce rate would be much lower. You can know when to walk away without “giving up”.
  10. Honesty is always the best policy. Except when it’s not. No matter how much you love each other or how strong your relationship is, some things are better to keep to yourself, i.e. how much you hate his mom.
  11. Everyone deserves a second chance. Everyone deserves a chance, not necessarily a second one. Depending on the nature of the crime, it is better to live by the motto “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me”.
  12. Everyone is fair game until they are married. If you want a healthy relationship than you need to start respecting other people’s relationships, whether they are legally committed or not.
Rachael is an award winning stand-up comedienne, freelance writer, and BravoTV superfan. Her Real Housewives tagline is “The only thing bigger than my boobs are my personalities.” In her spare time, she keeps busy catering to the needs of a very spoiled Siberian Husky, (Paris Hilton), cleaning the skeletons out of her closet (to make room for more shoes), and swiping left to everyone on Tinder. Follow her on twitter @therealplandd.