14 Signs Your Relationship Is Falling Apart At The Seams

When you’ve been with someone a long time, it’s easy to write off minor issues as just that — minor. After all, if no one’s cheating, lying, or doing anything super f**ked up, it’s all good, right? Wrong. Missing out on the signs that your relationship is falling apart at the seams can lead to even more heartbreak down the line when that inevitable breakup comes your way.

  1. You’re easily irritated for no apparent reason. If you can’t think of a reason why you’ve become snappy with your partner lately, maybe it’s because you’re tired of the relationship. Same goes for if you or your partner are always picking fights with each other. Something’s getting under your skin in a big way, and if you don’t confront it, you could end up blindsided by it.
  2. You’re bored AF. You daydream about the days when your relationship used to thrill you, but now it’s like you’re watching grass grow. You even find yourself experiencing single girl FOMO even though you really wanted to be in a relationship. Ask yourself if it’s really worth it to stay with someone who doesn’t make you feel excited about the future. It’s not.
  3. He calls you insulting “joke” names. Your partner used to call you affectionate names that made you smile, but lately he’s using terms that feel insulting even though he says he’s just kidding. This could be a sign that your partner feels contempt for you, and it’s one of the biggest relationship killers. This is one of the biggest signs your relationship is falling apart.
  4. You have separate social lives. While you’re going out with the girls again this Saturday night, your boyfriend’s doing whatever he likes to do in his spare time. Gone are the days when you’d try to be part of each other’s social lives. You’re flying solo, as though you’re testing the waters of singledom.
  5. You don’t really talk. You talk (and fight) about serious issues, but you don’t just chat for the sake of it, like about funny things you saw on the way to work or your deepest and most ridiculous fantasies. When communicating isn’t fun, there’s a problem.
  6. The sex has gone south. If you find yourself thinking “meh” at the idea of intimacy or trying to avoid sex with your partner altogether, it’s not a good sign. You should want to be with someone who excites you both inside and outside the bedroom and if you’re skipping sex all the time, you’re probably also skipping talking about sex or sharing other types of intimacy.
  7. You don’t mention you’re taken. When you’re out socializing without your partner, you don’t tell anyone that you’re in a relationship. Even if you’re a private person, this is shady. It’s like you’re slowly checking out of the relationship. Micro-cheating, anyone?
  8. Your ex is on your mind. Lately, it feels like you’ve been thinking more and more about your ex-boyfriend, perhaps even checking him up on Facebook. Why are you thinking of the past instead of the present? Maybe your ex is a guy you’ve got on a pedestal or you’re idealizing your previous relationship because your needs aren’t being met in this one.
  9. You see—and hate—your partner’s flaws. According to research, partners who idealize each other and see their partners as more of a catch than they see themselves are more likely to stay together. It makes sense. If you can only see your partner’s flaws or you’ve started seeing their cute quirks as damn annoying, it could be that your feelings are fading.
  10. You’re anxious. Your emotional landscape will tell you loads about the relationship ground you’re standing on. If you’re feeling anxious, depressed or restless and can’t see a reason why, it could be that the relationship isn’t right for you anymore. You should feel settled in the way of comfort and happiness, not settled as in stuck.
  11. Your partner’s flying the relationship flag. While your partner’s putting in the effort to make plans for the future that include you, you’re trying to avoid the subject altogether or feeling like you just don’t share those dreams. When you and your partner want different things, it’s a sign that you’re headed in different directions.
  12. Your partner’s changing. It started with a new haircut, now your boyfriend’s suddenly keen on different friends, new interests, and perhaps even a job change. These things shouldn’t be problematic on their own, but they’re a warning sign if loads of them are happening and/or if your partner’s not including you in the changes. You have to wonder if he wants to break up but doesn’t have the courage to do it.
  13. You don’t share. Something awesome happens to you and instead of calling your partner, you phone your brother or new friend you met at yoga. If you’re not excited to share the news with your partner, there’s a reason for it. Does he rain on your parade or not show much interest? Look deeper into what’s really going on as this can shed light on the state of your relationship.
  14. You get your kicks outside of the relationship. Lately, you feel really good about yourself when another man gives you a compliment or hits on you. Although you might stick to the boundaries between yourself and other men, it’s troubling if you’re craving attention and ego boosts from them. What aren’t you getting at home? It’s worth thinking about so you can decide if you should work on trying to make your relationship better or cut your losses.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.