Moving in together is a huge commitment. In fact, it’s literally only one step away from being married in a lot of respects. Most people just assume that since it isn’t actually tying the knot, it isn’t that big of an issue, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. If you can relate to any of the following, you should probably avoid shacking up:
Things have suddenly taken a major downturn in your relationship, and you’re fighting almost every day. Moving in together will not make things better. In fact, it just means that you’ll be stuck in close quarters with someone who you might actually break up with sooner rather than later. If you’ve been on the rocks, hold off on moving in until things improve.
He’s gotten violent, emotionally abusive, or controlling. ABORT MISSION! DANGER, WILL ROBINSON! Never, ever move in with a guy who has begun to hurt you mentally, emotionally, or physically. This will only end in trouble for you, and it may even permanently change your life for the worse in some cases.
You’re really not financially stable enough. If you’re not financially ready to move out, you’re not ready. It’s just that simple. Moving out before it’s the right time will end up with you feeling anxious about money at best, and may result in an eviction later on at worst. Either way, it’s best not to risk it.
He’s not financially stable enough to handle it. Unless you can pay for the both of you and are perfectly OK doing so, you shouldn’t play sugar mama to this man of yours. The reason he wants to move in might be because he’s using you for cash.
One or both of you have a lot of growing up to do. If he’s the type of person who can’t control his spending, or if you’re the type of person who will begin destroying items if you don’t get your way, it’s best to do some maturing before you actually decide to move in. Being on your own and having stability requires maturity of the emotional and financial kind. If you don’t have it together, don’t move out.
In all honesty, you really don’t see the relationship progressing to marriage. Why would you move in with a boyfriend if you’re not going to marry him? Moving in with a guy that you’re basically in a dead-end relationship with just doesn’t make sense in the long run.
You really go out of your way to clean house before he arrives. He may feel you’re more Martha Stewart than you really are in this case, and it may mean that he’ll be underwhelmed if you move in together. If he’s a neat freak and you’re a slob or vice versa, it probably won’t work out.
You don’t feel comfortable being yourself around him. Are you more comfortable being chill with your favorite bartender than you are around him? Do you constantly feel like you’re walking on eggshells to please him? If so, you might want to remember that he will see you at your best, worst, and grossest if you two move in together.
Your life goals are as similar as black and white. You can’t compromise on your life goals. If you want marriage and he doesn’t, moving in will not make it happen. If you want kids and he doesn’t, moving in will not force him to compromise. If you want to move to London and he’s a Beijing guy, moving in together will not solve this issue. Basically, if you move in together, you absolutely need to have a similar game plan in mind. Otherwise, it’ll just be a daily power struggle and a lot of pent-up resentment.
Your gut is begging you to stay where you are. You need to listen to your instincts when it comes to major life decisions. More often than not, when you feel like your entire body is trying to tell you something is wrong, something really is amiss. If you don’t feel comfortable with the idea, don’t do it.
You get the feeling that you’re basically trying to convince other people how happy you both are together. When people ask you why you’re moving in together, do you feel like you have to justify it, or is it more of you just clarifying your stance on it? The motives behind moving together should make sense, and should actually be because you two love each other and feel like your life goals are in line. If you feel like you’re going through this milestone just to prove that you love each other, it may be time to take a step back and re-evaluate things.
He’s putting a lot of pressure on you to move, despite you saying that you don’t feel comfortable with it. This might suggest that there are ulterior motives in the mix, though some of those reasons may actually be very valid. What’s more worrying is that it also suggests that he’s not listening to you when you put down boundaries. Both of these issues need to be addressed before you two decide to pack up and rent a house.
The reason you’re moving in with him is to get him to stop bringing up marriage. Moving in together will not make your partner want to stop bugging you about marriage. If anything, he’ll take it as a sign that you *do* want to marry him in the future. This will mess with his head. Moving in together to avoid marriage talks is just plain cruel to the one who’s hoping you’ll tie the knot one day.
It feels too soon. Everyone has a different timeline of when they want to cross a certain bridge in life. If you feel it’s too soon for you, it may not be the best time.
You’re doing it to fix problems in your relationships. In past articles, we’ve discussed why having a baby will not fix your bad relationship. The truth is that offering a deeper level of commitment will not fix problems in a relationship, unless the problem itself is that you won’t commit. If you’re using moving in as a band-aid for other unrelated problems, then it’s a move you will be bound to regret.
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