We’ve all been in major crush territory, and it can be hard to keep our heads straight when we’re in the midst of those loving feelings. But sometimes things can go beyond love-struck and enter unhealthy obsession territory. Here are some signs your interest levels are cause for concern and becoming problematic.
You’re neglecting other people in your life. It’s natural to carve out some extra time for a new love interest, but it shouldn’t be at the expense of all the other people who have been there for you along the way. If you haven’t seen your friends in God knows how long and you can’t remember the last time you called your mom, chances are, you’ve got an unhealthy obsession on your hands.
Your social media stalking is getting out of hand. Obviously you’re going to look at his Instagram, but you shouldn’t spend hours stalking every girl who liked his most recent photo. You cross into unhealthy obsession territory when you spend more time scrolling through his feed and the feeds of his friends than you do on your own.
You daydream about conversations that aren’t going to happen. When you’re loving someone from afar and can’t snap out of your imaginary world, it might be time to schedule some real-life friend time to bring you back to earth. Generally speaking, it’s relatively harmless to fantasize about a crush, but when you’re struggling to separate your dreams from reality, you not only have an unhealthy obsession but potentially some serious mental health issues.
You’ve urged him to skip guys’ night. The possible risks of a night out on the town without you aren’t worth it, in your opinion. Because you want him by your side 24/7 due to your serious FOMO, you discourage him from making or following through with any plans that don’t involve you. That’s not how a relationship works. It’s completely unhealthy, and it’s not his job to deal with your obsession.
You’re not together but you’re not interested in anyone else. If a guy isn’t into you, there’s no sense waiting around for him to change his mind and ignoring all the other hotties in your vicinity. You realize that it’s never going to happen with this guy, but that hasn’t stopped you from ruling out any and every other eligible gentleman out there. That’s a problem!
Your sense of self-worth is dependent on how he feels about you. When he’s irritated with you, it feels like your entire world is crumbling down. When his mood shifts, yours immediately does too. It’s natural that we’re going to be affected by the emotional state of the people we care about, but if your world stops and starts according to how he’s feeling, you have an unhealthy obsession with him and need to learn how to separate yourself.
You think he’s literally flawless. Nothing clouds judgment like an unhealthy obsession with someone. No one is perfect, so if his questionable behavior isn’t raising any red flags for you at all, you might not be paying attention. He might be a really great guy, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have imperfections. Chances are, he has plenty!
You’ve tried to change who you are to get his attention. No one needs to dye their hair to get a date with a guy who supposedly only dates blondes. Who you are isn’t just good enough, it’s amazing! Dulling your shine or pretending to be someone you’re not is not just reductive to you, it’s completely unnecessary. You’re incredible and if he can’t see that, he doesn’t deserve you.
He rejected you but you’re still thinking of names for your future children. If someone really isn’t giving you the time of day but you can’t let go, you might have a bit of an unhealthy obsession. Planning too far in advance isn’t cute, it’s creepy. There’s nothing worse than someone who can’t or won’t take the hint.
You feel depressed when he’s gone. You used to love TV night with your friends, but these days, any time your guy is gone for work, you’re too bummed out to do anything else. You’ve completely lost yourself in the relationship, which is often the result of having an unhealthy relationship with someone.
You’re trying to break him up. If your current crush has a girlfriend already, you shouldn’t be interjecting yourself where you don’t belong. It doesn’t matter whether you’ve convinced yourself that he’s unhappy in his relationship or that you’re a better fit for him than she is. Those are the thoughts of someone with an unhealthy obsession who needs to back off immediately.
You “run into him” on purpose. You happen to know where and at what time he gets his coffee because you’re basically stalking him. You just so happen to see him in Starbucks before work even though that store is on the other side of town from your office. This is not okay.
You neglect your responsibilities to hang out with him. If you keep choosing your boyfriend over finishing up your work projects and end up feeling terrible about it but can’t stop… you might have an unhealthy obsession with your relationship. You have sh-t to get done, so do it.
You’ve tried to get extra close to people he’s friends with to win him over. Being social is one thing, but befriending someone just so they can vouch for you is leaning towards the manipulative side. Back off and let things flow naturally. Otherwise, you’re crossing over into scary territory.
Your friends have expressed their concerns. It’s not jealousy that your friends are projecting onto you, they really miss you! If your friends think you have an unhealthy obsession with the guy, take it into consideration before things get out of hand.