Have you been with your partner for so long that you can’t remember what it was like when you were single? For those couples who just make being together work so well for them, here are the 16 things that only they understand about long-term commitment.
1. Ego has no place in a relationship.
A healthy relationship isn’t about who’s “right” or constantly needing to prove themselves. It’s about trust, respect, and building something together. Maybe when you were younger, there was a bit more competition or a need to show off, but that stuff fades away when you truly connect with someone. Trust takes center stage, and you don’t feel the need to be the most macho or the most right all the time.
2. You can still be competitive.
Long-term couples know it’s a fine balance to navigate between putting egos aside while still keeping the spark from dying out. Good old-fashioned competition is always a strong option, whether it’s on a sporty date night or a shared cooking class — it works wonders. Not only will you feel closer and individually empowered, but you’ll also be reminded of how well-suited you are with your partner. (Healthy, good-natured) competition ensures connection.
3. Date nights cannot be rain checked.
Consistency is key, and so is intentionality. Respecting your partner’s time is incredibly important as a way of showing you care about them. Regular date-nights are the best antidote to roommate syndrome. If you don’t put each other first sometimes, your relationship can go downhill pretty quickly.
4. Time with friends is still so important.
Couples who have been together forever don’t get insecure when their partner wants to spend time with other people. They know that they don’t need to hoard their time with their partner out of a misplaced fear that they’ll lose them. Trust opens up the richness of experiences that can come from weekend getaways with friends, family lunches, and work trips.
5. Trying new things together keeps the spark alive.
Just like we’re always learning and growing, a relationship needs that same kind of energy to stay exciting. Trying new things together keeps things fresh. Think of it like this: the longer you’re with someone, the more comfortable you get, which is great! But sometimes that comfort zone can start to feel a little boring. Spicing things up with new adventures, hobbies, or even just trying a new restaurant helps you keep that sense of excitement alive and reminds you why you fell for each other in the first place!
6. Being vulnerable is a daily choice.
When your conversation with your partner starts to only focus on logistics, this isn’t a meaningful conversation. Couples know they need to be intentional and dig deeper than this every single day. It ensures that neither partner comes to view the relationship as just another chore. Opening up about what’s in their heads and hearts keeps them connected and cements their bond even further.
7. Supporting each other becomes second nature.
When one partner knows the other has a hectic week at work coming up, they spring into action. They can take the pressure off the other person by cooking, getting the groceries in, and maybe even including a sweet treat or message in their work lunch. It doesn’t have to break the bank, but the couples who are in it for the long haul know how to support each other in the best way. Gone are the days of pulling away or playing games.
8. Taking space is a must.
Even the best couples know that time apart keeps things fresh (and sane!). Couples who have only been together for a short amount of time are more likely to feel like they should be hanging out 24/7 to show how into each other they are. However, mature couples will never let their relationship compromise how they look after themselves physically, mentally, or even socially.
9. You need a shared calendar.
I know it sounds like we’re 86 years old, but every couple knows it works. Using a shared Google Calendar (or your software of choice) is a great tool that long-term couples use to help streamline their shared lives. Communicating through calendar invites to make plans and schedule life admin keeps the stressful, repetitive parts of the day separate from your real conversations.
10. Communication styles mature — let them.
Early-stage relationships typically involve a lot of dinner date-style lines of questioning, like stuff about your family, background, schooling, and work. When you get to know each other really well and have been together for a while, you know you have both been part of each other’s journey of growth for so long that you don’t need to rehash those old questions. You find that your conversational style changes to reflect that, and that’s a good thing.
11. You learn to take criticism from each other.
Learning to take criticism less personally is a skill set that everyone should learn. People in long-term relationships have a special ability to fast-track this, and they resolve conflict quickly and easily as a result. Not being afraid to challenge each other is a core trait that long-term couples practice. When you trust your partner to have your best interest at heart, it’s a lot easier to take their feedback as it’s meant: to help you rather than tear you down.
12. You overcome the fear of complaining about your in-laws.
When you’re new to a relationship, you’d never dare to complain about your in-laws. However, when you’ve been to enough family events and holidays, you feel like you earn that right after a while, especially since they’re your famil too now. It’s a unique milestone in a long-term relationship that all couples look forward to.
13. You can anticipate each other’s needs.
Couples who have been together forever will start to recognize the signs that their partner is getting frustrated and will know how to dispel those feelings proactively. These de-escalation skills ensure you don’t waste time with silly arguments. That’s not to say that you never fight, you just know how to choose your battles.
14. It’s a privilege to plan your future together.
One enduring benefit of long-term relationships is that you can always make fun plans for the future when dealing with midweek “meh” and boredom. It’s like a cheat code. Early-stage couples can’t always assume they will be together for future plans, but when you’re committed, you can fantasize about better times to come.
15. You can appreciate quiet time together.
While your hectic schedules when you were younger may have kept you apart, now you’ve been in each other’s lives for so long, you can settle into the slow life when you need to. Long-term couples know they can settle into new life phases together.
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