We all crave connection, yet some people seem determined to push love away. If you find yourself drawn to those who specialize in emotional unavailability, this article is for you. Here are some of the hidden fears driving their self-sabotaging behavior and the subtle clues that betray their longing for intimacy.
1. They’re serial daters, but they struggle to move past the casual stage.
Shutterstock
They crave the excitement of new romances, but as soon as things start feeling real, they get that familiar sense of panic and bolt. For these people, fight or flight is real, Harvard Health explains. It’s like they’re always trying on relationships, never actually settling into one. Maybe somewhere deep down, they’re scared they’ll find someone they truly like… and then what?
You may also like: Reasons Your Adult Children Want Nothing To Do With You
2. They’re masters of the casual hookup.
A no-strings-attached approach seems ideal – physical closeness without any messy emotional entanglement. Yet, it leaves them feeling empty. They tell themselves it’s what they want, but that gnawing sense of loneliness just won’t go away.
Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily
3. Being overly critical of partners is their defense mechanism.
Finding flaws in everyone is a way to self-sabotage. They convince themselves no one is good enough rather than risk getting hurt. Honestly, it’s exhausting—for them and their dates. Maybe one day they’ll realize that perfection doesn’t exist and get off that nitpicky hamster wheel.
You may also like: How A Narcissist Acts When You Start Seeing Through Their BS
4. They dive headfirst into work or hobbies to avoid dealing with their emotions.
Staying constantly busy is a distraction technique. There’s no time for messy feelings or vulnerability when there are emails to answer and projects to finish. Sadly, they know, deep down, that those 16-hour workdays aren’t fixing the real issue.
Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily
5. They’re always the “strong” one in their friendships.
Everyone else leans on them, but they rarely confide their own troubles. Playing the reliable friend who has it all together keeps others at arm’s length. They might be everyone’s rock, but who’s gonna be there to lend them a shoulder?
You may also like: How A Narcissist Acts When They Can’t Fool You Anymore
6. They either overshare or clam up completely – there’s no in-between.
iStock/nd3000
Word vomiting all their anxieties is a way to push people away or test their loyalty. Or, they withdraw completely, offering zero personal information. It’s a confusing game for everyone involved, and it makes building a genuine connection almost impossible.
Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily
7. They disappear during tough times, just when you need them the most.
When a friend is struggling or life gets messy, they’re suddenly MIA. They don’t know how to handle difficult emotions, so avoidance feels easier, per Verywell Mind. But ghosting your friends in their time of need? It makes it really hard to trust them when things are good again.
You may also like: Things Narcissists Say To Shut You Down When You Confront Them
8. They have commitment issues that extend way beyond romantic relationships.
It’s not just boyfriends or girlfriends; they struggle to commit to plans, projects, even where they’ll live long-term. It’s rooted in a fear of being tied down. This kind of non-committal attitude can make them seem unreliable to friends and family, no matter how much they actually care.
Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily
9. “Needy” people make them deeply uncomfortable.
Anyone who expresses normal levels of emotional neediness sets off their alarm bells. It reminds them of their own fears of intimacy and dependence. They haven’t learned yet that needing someone is normal, and sometimes the best relationships are built on a healthy sense of interdependence.
You may also like: 15 Clever Phrases That Instantly Humble an Arrogant Person
10. They’re always planning their escape route.
Even in happy situations, there’s always a nagging voice in the back of their head strategizing how to get out if things get too intense. They’ve mastered the art of the Irish Goodbye and have a million excuses ready for making a quick exit. It’s like they’re always wearing invisible running shoes, just in case.
Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily
11. They idealize past relationships… the ones that safely ended.
A finished romance has less potential for hurt. They romanticize what’s gone instead of risking a new, potentially messy connection. It’s like they’re holding onto a faded photograph of an ex, convinced it was the truest love they’ll ever know.
You may also like: The Top 10 Reasons Men Break Up With Women, As Told By A Guy
12. They’re attracted to unavailable people.
Partners who are emotionally distant or already committed? Perfect. That way there’s no expectation of genuine closeness. They almost get a thrill out of chasing the impossible because deep down they know it’ll never really work out.
Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily
13. They constantly analyze every interaction for “red flags.”
Hypervigilance is their superpower. They’re on the lookout for any reason to prove their suspicions that this person, like all others, will let them down. One missed text? That’s it, relationship over! It’s like they’re looking for trouble instead of simply trying to enjoy the moment.
You may also like: 15 Things People Who Don’t Put Up With Anyone’s BS Have In Common
14. They feel suffocated very easily in relationships.
Sweet gestures or expressions of affection feel more like an obligation than a gift. It fuels a worry that they’re being trapped. Suddenly all that attention feels like a weight on their shoulders, instead of something to be cherished.
Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily
15. They secretly envy people in happy, committed relationships, but also can’t imagine it for themselves.
There’s a conflicting mix of longing and cynicism. Part of them wants what they fear they can never actually have. They watch those couples who seem totally in sync, and it sparks both a sense of sadness and disbelief.
You may also like: 30 Things Men Do When They’re Having A Midlife Crisis
16. They have deeply buried past hurts that drive their intimacy fears.
Childhood experiences, past betrayals, or failed relationships have built a wall around their heart. They haven’t fully processed those wounds. It’s like they’re still carrying around old emotional baggage and expect anyone new to add to the pile.
Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily
17. Love feels more like a battlefield than something safe and joyful.
They’re always braced for conflict, waiting for the other shoe to drop. They don’t truly believe in the possibility of healthy, lasting connection. To them, relationships are all about pain and disappointment, and they’re always arming themselves for the next fight.
You may also like: People Who Lack Self-Awareness Frequently Say These 14 Things
18. Deep down, they long for genuine connection but don’t believe they deserve it.
A core belief of unworthiness fuels the fear. They worry that if anyone truly knew them, they’d be rejected. It’s a heartbreaking cycle: desperately wanting love but pushing it away the moment it gets close.
Enjoy this piece? Give it a like and follow Bolde on MSN for more!
