There are many ways to express your interest in someone, particularly when you’re just starting to get to know them. However, you have to take a really nuanced approach to get them to feel the same about you. If you’re feeling nervous and unsure of how to start up a conversation (or keep one going), here’s a list of things to talk about with your crush that should give you plenty of material to work with.
Personal goals You might as well start boldly. It’s not like you aren’t hoping to get to this stage eventually anyway. Why not skip around a few stages and keep your crush on their toes? By talking about important things early on, you get to know the real person behind the guise of small-talk. You won’t see the version of themselves that they perform for strangers. You will see the real thing. That’s what you want to know. Might as well see if your values and goals align rather than wasting time pursuing a person who turns out to represent things you don’t want.
Pet peeves We all have them. Some are more illogical or weirder than others, but we all have things that drive us nuts. Maybe his is loud chewing or people who leave the lights on when they leave a room. Maybe yours is having scuff marks on your shoes or the labels on your condiments not being perfectly lined up in the fridge. Whatever the case may be, discussing pet peeves is one of the best things to talk about with your crush because it opens the door for some really entertaining conversation.
Lottery dreams If he won the lottery, what’s the first thing he would do? Would he go public or stay anonymous? Who’s the first person he would call? What’s the first thing he would buy? Be sure you have the answer to those questions yourself as he’ll more than likely want to know the answer.
Music What are his favorite bands and singers? What’s the best concert he’s ever been to? What does he think is the best album of the last decade? Talking about the music that means the most to both of you gives you another thing to possibly bond over. It also serves as a great measure of compatibility. If he’s into heavy metal and you’re a country girl, it’s hard to say whether things will work or not…
Hobbies and pastimes What you both do in your spare time is important to know early on because depending on how you fill those hours, you may have less or more time together as a couple if things ever got that far. How does he relax and unwind? What’s his idea of a good day? Again, this is another good thing to talk to your crush about because it illustrates just how much you have in common (or don’t).
Friends Is his group full of guys or are there some women in there too? Does he hang out with his colleagues or is his social group made up entirely of people he’s known his whole life? As the old saying goes, you are who you spend time with. Why wouldn’t you want to know who his closest pals are and what they’re like? They’ll shed a lot of light on him as a person as well.
Pets Does he have any? Is he a cat person or a dog person? If he says neither while you’re a major animal lover, that might be a problem, especially if you always see yourself as a pet mom in the future and he’s very against the idea. If he does have pets, it’s also great to know about them because they’ll be a big part of his life.
Jokes A sense of humor is vital in life, and especially in relationships. There’s so much bad stuff that goes on in the world that the ability to laugh and not take yourself or anyone else too seriously is the only way to get through it all without losing your mind. Tell him some of your favorite corny jokes and ask him to tell you one. No matter how stupid it is, chances are it’ll have you cracking up.
Biggest turn-ons What are the things he finds most attractive in a woman? This doesn’t have to be about physical appearance, and in fact it’s even better if it’s not. What are the quirky things he finds hot and that really turn him on? This might require a little vulnerability, especially early on in the relationship, but if you’re willing to open up as well, he might feel a bit more inclined.
Biggest turn-offs At the same time, talk to your crush about what turns him off and what he really can’t stand. Maybe he can’t stand smoking or he hates when women don’t let him pay for a date or something. Whatever it is, you should probably know.
Passions We all have things we’re passionate about in life. What is it that he fights for on a daily basis? What motivates him to get up and get out of bed in the mornings? What makes him feel happy, alive, and free? It’ll be amazing to see him come alive about the things that inspire and excite him. In fact, it may even make you like him more!
Health and fitness This might seem like a boring topic but it is an important one. Is he into going to the gym or does he prefer running outdoors? Does he play baseball or football? Does he care about staying fit and eating well or is he more of a couch potato who lives on TV dinners? If he’s into health and fitness and knows you are too, that could increase the attraction between you tenfold. Men love a woman who looks after herself.
Relationship needs/wants It might seem a bit early to be talking about this, but it can actually be a way to make your crush fall for you. If you point out the fact that you want loyalty and support from a partner and that everything you expect, you offer in return without question, he might realize just what an amazing girlfriend you would make. If he is on a different page, at least you’ll know and won’t waste your time.
Family You can either talk about how much you love your family, or how much they frustrate you. Both topics of conversation will pass the time, and you will be able to build an intimate connection. You will also get to tap into your sense of humor as well. Hopefully, this is where you see whether you are well-suited to each other or not.
Your biggest fears Am I the only one who finds it easier to talk about things that scare me with people I don’t really know that well? Doesn’t it feel much less pressured than when you’re telling a friend about something which makes it feel much more real? Either way, this means that you can add vulnerability and emotional connection to your relationship by fast-tracking it. You’re also implicitly trusting the other person too, which shows great maturity.
Favorite foods This might have been covered in your small talk, but if you’re still making your way through date ideas, this is a strong conversation starter. It means once you’re in more developed stages of talking, you can lead it into a date idea. Either going to a restaurant or making it yourself. This shows that you’re listening to their needs while also having fun and actually acting on that information.
Favorite vacation memory This helps you to share positive, nostalgic memories of the past while you hopefully build a future together. It’s very full-circle, and you get to watch the person glow as they talk about something that’s really formative for them. You will again learn lots about yourself with your own answers, too.
Future plans This can be personal, work, or in any other aspect of life. Again, sometimes it’s easier to talk about your aspirations when you don’t know someone super well. You don’t feel as much judgment or expectation and you can be honest. Especially with yourself. Other people can see through your self-deception way before you do yourself. If someone’s being really honest with you, it means they’re interested.
Favorite book By talking about your favorite pieces of media or entertainment, either in the present or in the past, you get to share passions and hobbies. This in turn prompts more date ideas or gestures to intimacy like watching their football games on a Sunday afternoon. You get to learn about their favorite things and read that book yourself. Demonstrate that you’re committed to them and they’ll love that confidence.
What are some other interesting conversations you could have with them?
Share your favorite corny pick-up lines. If you want your crush to think you’re interested and have a great sense of humor, this is the best option for you. Bring up the cheesiest pick-up line you’ve ever heard, particularly if it worked on you. Then, ask your crush to return with their best pick-up line. It shows you’re bold and capable of the unexpected. Most people love that authenticity when dating can sometimes feel like a game!
Try some small-talk. Some of the best things to talk about with your crush are some of the most mundane. Okay, hear me out. It’s almost a running joke that people talk about the weather when they’re first meeting people, but what’s wrong with that? It’s the ultimate safe ground when you aren’t quite sure how to interact with the person in front of you and can lead to other conversations, like your plans for the summer, why you’re a bigger fan of winter, etc. Small talk means that both people are at ease and can just chat. Plus, because the conversation is so easy, you can spend that time multi-tasking and assessing how attracted you are to them.
If you’re both academic, you could talk about your education. This is a really interesting insight to get about a person before you get too invested in them. You can see how suitable they are for you, or how different their upbringing was. All these things factor into whether someone is interested in you or not. That makes for some really interesting and deep conversations. You might think they’re a total stranger, but find out that you studied the same course all those years ago in college! Plus, if you realize early on that you might not be compatible, you save each other a host of time.
Discuss your favorite sports. This is a fun way of asserting your competitive side and one of the best things to talk to your crush about. You can trap your partner into either supporting your team or you can set up an even more compelling rivalry. This will happen if you realize you support totally different teams, and that will build the sexual tension and interest even more. It’s a real Romeo and Juliet situation, but hopefully not too much!
Compare your favorite TV shows. This is a great way of showing how sophisticated their interests are. Are you totally obsessed with The Bear like everyone else? Do you think Stranger Things is totally overrated? Do you have a secret addiction to Love Island? Discussing your tastes in TV adds complexity and meaning to their personality and helps you to learn about them. Plus, if you secretly judge their taste in entertainment, then you can make it a personal project to correct it for them! If you don’t watch much TV, you can sub in bands, movies, books, whatever. These topics are some of the best things to talk about with your crush for sure, especially when it comes to determining compatibility.
Discuss your goals for the future. This is useful for a variety of reasons. Firstly, confidence and ambition are highly attractive qualities in another person. It also paints a picture of what your future together could look like. This shows the other person that you’re cool and focused. You know where you’re headed and how to get it.
Be bold and discuss your regrets. This is the point in conversations where you will feel yourself tapping into another level of intimacy. You’re getting beyond that surface level of small talk interactions. You find yourself in the core of a person’s personality pretty early in the process. By talking about your regrets you can undergo some personal growth while also demystifying someone’s past. It’s one of the most valuable and honest ways to show that you like each other.
Talk about your friends with your crush. That’s where all your best, funniest, and most interesting stories will come from. You’ll also be the best and most relaxed version of yourself when talking about your people. Discussing your memories with your crush is a great way to generate interest when you’re wondering what to talk about on a first date. Not to mention this introduces a little cast of characters to them in case they end up meeting in the future!
Open up about your family. Talking about your family represents a greater stage of intimacy and is one of the best things to talk to your crush about. These are real details of your life, and these are the conversations where you will be most memorable. You want to stand out of the crowd and really keep your crush’s attention. That’s not to say that you need to spill every traumatic experience you had or any deep family secrets, but just be willing to offer up facts that show a little more about yourself
Share funny anecdotes to pique their interest. Your funny stories will kick up a storm. You can often forget how funny, interesting, and well-rounded you are to other people. By talking about your funny side you can show your crush the best side of you. After all, that is the most authentic aspect of yourself.
Talk about your favorite memories. This is one of the interesting things to talk to your crush about. You can use your examples of great food and traveling memories if they’re important to you. This conversation can also function as a way of suggesting future dates and asserting common interests. It also gives you both an opportunity to imagine your potential future together. That’s a great way of judging whether your crush likes you back enough to talk about the future. If they’re really interested in you, they’ll never hear enough about you.