From the outside of a relationship looking in, it’s almost always kinda obvious that a breakup is about to happen. However, when you’re smack dab in the middle of things, it can be hard to see the forest for the trees, so to speak. If you’re not sure what’s going on in your relationship, here are some signs he’s going to dump you in the very near future. You’d better start preparing yourself now.
- Something just feels off. The most common sign that something is seriously wrong is that something just doesn’t feel right between the two of you anymore. Usually, this is a sign that he’s unhappy with how the relationship is going. If you’re able to talk it out, you may still be able to salvage it at this stage. If he’s not willing to open up about his issues, this might just mean you may need to prepare yourself.
- Everything is more important than you to him. If you’re the last thing he’s worried about and the last thing that’s ever on his mind, it’s a sign that he doesn’t care enough to keep this thing going. In fact, he’s probably already checked out.
- Things that used to bother him don’t bother him at all anymore. Remember how he used to get all ticked off when you would flirt with other guys? Those were the good ol’ days. Now he seems to even be encouraging you to chat with people that aren’t him. This is a sign that he’s given up.
- Your sex life is nonexistent. If a guy loses interest in sleeping with you, it’s a sign that he’s ready to move on. This is a doubly bad sign if sex is the most common way he’s shown affection to you.
- He’s now spending more time with female friends than you, and you’re getting the feeling that he’s confiding in them about you. This is basically a sign that the female friends are now taking priority over you. It’s also the definition of an emotional affair. Typically, guys aren’t the ones who have emotional affairs. If he ends up having one, it’s usually a sign that he’s already moved on without breaking up with you.
- He seems annoyed with the fact that you want attention, a date, or sex. Should this happen, it’s a sign that he either needs space or that you need a new boyfriend… or both.
- You put all the effort into the relationship. Simply put, some guys actually will put no effort into a relationship in hopes that the girl will get frustrated and break up with him. You shouldn’t have to shoulder 100% of the relationship weight on yourself. Do yourself a favor and beat him to the finish line by kicking him to the curb.
- He’s not even trying to be attractive to you anymore. Shaving? He stopped doing that. Making you swoon with jokes? Hasn’t happened in a while. Though this can be chalked up to feeling comfortable in a relationship, the truth is that neither partner should ever stop chasing.
- He’s saying things that he never would have said years ago. If he’s calling you fat, telling you to stop being so clingy, or saying similarly hurtful things, this relationship is already dead. At this point, you’ve devolved into his personal punching bag, and any interest in your feelings have gone out the window.
- You both seem to have more bad days than good ones. This is a sign you should probably be dumping him. Relationships are supposed to make you feel better, not worse.
- It’s clear that he’s looking for someone else, or that he’s already cheated. Is he actively scoping out new girls? Did you catch him on Tinder, chatting up women? If he’s looking for another mate, chances are that he’s going to dump you once he finds one. Even if he’s not going to dump you, do you really want a guy who has a side chick?
- Finances suddenly got tight, but he’s still getting the same amount of work. This might only be obvious if you’re living together, or if you tend to spend a lot of money on each other. If he seems to be low on cash all the time, chances are that he’s saving up money to move out. This also is a classic sign of a divorce “escape plan,” so if you’re married, you may want to batten down the hatches fast.
- You no longer factor into his future plans. Back when you first started, he’d talk about marriage and kids. Now, he’s backing away from those plans and all talk about the future has ground to a halt. The reason he stopped talking about plans with you is that he doesn’t see a future with you.
- Confrontation is avoided at all costs. You don’t fight, even when you should. Instead of confronting issues, everything is swept under a rug. This is a recipe for disaster, no matter what way you cut it. If he doesn’t even care enough to fight with you anymore, you know you’re in trouble.
- You’ve begun to get your needs filled elsewhere. This usually happens when you feel like asking your main squeeze for affection is too difficult. If you’re about to cheat, you can be sure that he’s probably going to leave you when he finds out.
- It’s been constant fighting. It almost seems like he’s picking arguments at the drop of a hat. He’s accusing you of things you didn’t do. The smallest things set him off. Every day is an explosion of anger and vitriol from his mouth. If he’s taking this route, it’s because he’s actively trying to come up with a reason to break it off without him having to take all the blame.
- He’s painting the town red without you. It’s one thing to have a guy’s night out every so often, but when he’s constantly going out without even consulting you, it’s a sign he wants out of the relationship. After all, if he was in a happy relationship, he wouldn’t feel the need to be out on the prowl night after night — he’d want to be at home with you.
- You can’t agree on major life decisions. You want two kids, he wants none. You want an apartment in London, he’s a Brooklyn boy. Being unable to agree to major life decisions often means that you will end up splitting up. Maybe you thought you would eventually find a good compromise for these very major issues, but you were only fooling yourself. These are deal-breakers.
- You just got diagnosed with a serious illness. Men are six times more likely to abandon a sick partner than women. (Why do we need guys again?) While it’s certainly not a guarantee that he’ll ditch you if something goes wrong, it might be a good excuse for him to jump ship.
- Talking, especially romantically, has crawled to a halt. You can’t remember the last time that he told you that he loved you, called you a pet name, or anything similar. This is a sign that the love has gone.
What to do when you notice signs he’s going to dump you
- Don’t freak out. You might feel like your whole world has just been turned upside down when the penny finally drops and you realize your relationship is in serious trouble, but before you go off the deep end, stop and take a deep breath. Think about whether this has been a long time coming and consider how you’re actually feeling about your relationship. If he’s become so disconnected, is it possible that you’re in the same boat but have been in denial? Take this time to do some serious self-reflection.
- Don’t let him know that you’ve noticed anything is up. Just because you noticed the signs he’s going to dump you doesn’t mean you should let him know you’ve noticed them. Besides, it’s possible that his decision isn’t set in stone yet and by jumping the gun and becoming defensive, reactive, or openly combative, you could end up expediting the breakup process. As hard as it is, try to keep an even keel.
- Consider what’s gone wrong. Why is it that your boyfriend is so unhappy? What’s happened in your relationship to have made breaking up the only good option in his eyes? Is it something you did or something he did? Is it perhaps nobody’s fault and you’ve simply grown apart? Being honest with yourself about how things got so off-course will help you in the weeks and months ahead as this situation plays out.
- Talk to him about it if you want to try and stay together. If you’re pretty sure a breakup is inevitable and he’s even started to openly hint at as much, you could try talking to him. If you legitimately feel like there’s something worth saving and you feel like you could work together to get things back on track, tell him how you’re feeling. Perhaps suggest couples therapy to help you work through your issues. If you and the relationship matter to him, he’ll be willing to give it a try. If not, you’ll have to accept it.
- If he does end things, accept it gracefully. As hard as it is, you’ll have to respect his wishes to end the relationship gracefully. It will likely take a long time to work through your feelings and to get over him and the hurt your breakup caused, but you’ll get there eventually. Just give it time.