One of the most important pieces of advice people give when you start a new relationship is to not lose your independence. We’re fans of this advice—knowing how to survive on your own and spend time on your own is a huge factor in having a healthy relationship! But when you’re too independent (meaning you only spend time on your own often to the disappointment of your partner), things can go south really quickly.
If you think your independence might get in the way of your future (or current) relationship, then here are 7 mistakes to look out for.
1. It’s Their Way Or The Highway.
Independent people are used to having things their way. They like doing what they want when they want to do it without having to compromise. But when they’re partnered, that’s not possible—compromise is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. That means, that if the independent person can’t learn to compromise, there’s going to be a lot of conflict, or worse…the relationship will end.
2. They Can Sometimes Be Inconsiderate.
Not on purpose, of course. But the thing about independent people is that they’ve been accustomed to one way of life for so long. Their prolonged state of self-reliance has led them to focus on what they want, what they need, and how they can achieve it. Period. They’ve kept their wants and needs to themselves and, in turn, that has made it hard for them to recognize the wants and needs of others.
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4. They Forget To Include Their Partner.
Because independent people focus on what they want and how they’re going to make it happen, they spend a lot of time doing just that. The problem is they often forget their partner—who wants to spend quality time with them— is even there. Yikes. Independent people need to strike the right balance between getting what they want done and spending quality time and sharing experiences with their partner.
5. They Solve Problems On Their Own.
As we’ve said, independent people are so used to being self-reliant that their problems play out in their own minds and nowhere else. Now, being able to solve your problems is a great quality! But when you’re in a relationship, that can get tricky—because relationships are partnerships. You may think your issues are your own but you still need to involve your partner because being emotionally there for you is what being in a relationship is about.
6. They Refuse To Accept Help.
When you’ve had no one to help you, you don’t expect anyone to help you. This becomes a problem when you’re in a relationship. Not accepting help when they genuinely want to be there for you often leads partners to think that you either don’t need them or don’t want them (and that’s not the kind of message you want to send). Instead, try remembering that accepting their help doesn’t devalue you or lessen your worth. Accepting their help is you acknowledging that your partner wants to be a part of your life and you want them there, too.
7. They Expect Their Partners To Be Equally Independent.
Independent people often think that if they’re able to be self-reliant, then everyone else must be able to do the same (if that were the case, then none of us would be in relationships). The truth is, everyone is different—some people truly love being alone, and other people like having more support. When independent people fail to realize that, they risk putting unrealistic expectations on their partner which causes friction.
8. They Don’t Talk About Their Feelings.
A lot of people who are independent became that way out of need or challenging situations. Maybe growing up they had no one to talk to about their feelings or maybe they let their walls down in a past relationship and then got shut down. No matter what it is they’ve been hurt and, because of that, find it harder to open up. Bottling everything up can create resentment, distrust, and missed communication. Vulnerability is scary, but it’s what makes a happy relationship.
