Love Isn’t About How Much Crap I Can Take From You

Love Isn’t About How Much Crap I Can Take From You ©iStock/SrdjanPav

Love isn’t perfect, but it’s also not supposed to be about how much crap I can take from someone who doesn’t seem to care about me. That’s not love at all — it should be better than this because that’s what I deserve.

  1. I refuse to be taken for granted. I have needs and stress in my life too. I’m happy to be there for my partner, but I won’t be taken for granted. If there’s no give, I’m out. I’ve been taken for granted before and it killed my confidence for a while, but it’s a mistake that won’t happen again.
  2. Give crap and get crap in return. I’ve decided the easiest way to deal with this kind of love is to give as much crap as you get. Why should I sit meekly by and let someone treat me like I’m nothing when I could share all my crap with them?
  3. What happened to respect? Anyone who truly respects me isn’t going to do this to me. I’ve heard men say “I love you,” but if they don’t act the part, they don’t mean it. Love and respect go hand in hand for me. If I’m constantly being taken for granted, I’m not being respected.
  4. If that’s love, count me out. I’m serious. If this is what it means to be in love, I don’t want any part of it. I always thought love should be better. I know I won’t be happy 24/7, but I shouldn’t feel like crap 24/7 either. Any love that makes me feel worse about myself isn’t worth holding on to.
  5. I deserve to be happy. Honestly, I believe we all deserve to be happy — well, except for those who get off on bringing others down. I thought your significant other was supposed to make you feel happier, but if they’re making me miserable, is it worth it? I may not be perfect, but I do deserve happiness and taking someone else’s crap isn’t going to do it for me.
  6. I don’t remember fairy tales ending like that. Think back on all those romantic happy endings in fairy tales. Hell, even with something less traditional like Shrek, the couple treats each other with respect, talks to each other and works things out. It’s never just about one or the other. Usually, it’s the villain that’s selfish and making others live in misery and fear. I’m not huge on fairy tales, but they at least got the happiness and love part down.
  7. I want to be loved, not used. I took someone’s crap for a while just because I thought I was in love. Turned out that was naive BS. One day, I woke up and realized I wanted to be loved, not used. I didn’t want to be their trashcan to dump their stress, problems and responsibilities on all the time. Now, I refused to be used. Either love me or get the hell away from me.
  8. That’s what bad jobs are for. At some point we’ve all had that one boss or co-worker who thinks we’re a useless piece of garbage that’s only good for doing all their work for them. There’s no respect and no mercy. At least with a job, you’re getting paid. I’m not getting anything out of a relationship like that.
  9. I’ve got enough stress, thank you very much. I’m so glad that some people want to unload on me, but never have a spare second for me. Turns out, I have plenty of stress of my own. I don’t need all your crap too. Love is about sharing, not just having to silently take what you’re given.
  10. I won’t let myself be abused. Yes, this is a form of abuse. I remember the mental toll it took on me. I was closed off, thought I wasn’t good enough and generally thought love was just a massive joke. I didn’t have marks on the outside, but on the inside I was in pain. No more. Love’s not about taking someone else’s crap or abuse.
  11. Do I look like I live to serve you? I honestly felt like a poorly treated servant. No one should have to feel like that. I don’t put up with crap. I don’t see a sign on my forehead saying “I live to serve.” I may have been naive once, but I learned quickly. I want love, not a life full of crap.
Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.