What It’s Like To Date When You Hate Talking About Feelings

Guys expect women to be the emotional ones in a relationship, but obviously, that’s not always the case. Some of us avoid talking about our feelings at all costs. While that might work for casual arrangements and short-term flings, it definitely starts to become a problem when things start to get more serious. If you hate talking about your feelings, you’ll relate to these struggles.

  1. You still have to do it. If you want to have a healthy relationship (and isn’t that the dream?), you’re going to have to be open about what you’re feeling at some point. Guys aren’t mind readers, and they definitely like to hear the L word and know they’re appreciated sometimes too. That means you have to speak up if you want a great guy to stick around.
  2. You dread The Talk. Luckily, a lot of guys aren’t too keen on having The Talk either. At a certain point, your relationship status is implied anyway, right? Okay, maybe not exactly, but the thought of having to sit down and form the words to convey how you feel about a guy while he stares at you expectantly sounds like cruel and unusual punishment.
  3. Guys often have to coax things out of you. If he’s smart, he won’t demand anything from you. He knows you have to get there in your own time and it won’t be genuine if you say things just to get him off your back. At the same time, you know you’re looking for a guy who’s patient and knows that actions speak a lot louder than words.
  4. You’ve let a few good ones slip away. Especially when you were younger, you were probably perfectly fine with letting a guy walk away if it meant you never had to tell him how you felt. But looking back, you’re realizing how different things would be right now if you’d learned how to communicate. It’s hard not to regret it just a little bit and wonder if maybe you wouldn’t still be single if you’d just gathered the courage to put your feelings into words.
  5. You prefer to move pretty slowly. There are girls who fall in love quickly and scream it from the rooftops the first chance they get, but you prefer to take things one day at a time and you don’t tend to get caught up in the fairytale of it all. It’s not just that you don’t like talking about your feelings — you also don’t really have strong feelings that quickly in general. It takes time before you’re ready to feel things, let alone talk about feeling those things.
  6. You avoid getting emotional around him for any reason. If he does something that bothers you, you’d much rather go home and cry than actually talk to him about it. You don’t like to let him see you get emotional because then he’s going to want to know what’s wrong and you’ll have to figure out what to say.
  7. Fights can spiral out of control. Since communicating how you feel in a productive way isn’t a strong suit or something you have a lot of experience with, small arguments tend to get blown out of proportion. Either that or you’ll shut down completely and act like there’s nothing wrong only to have it come back up later without warning.
  8. You clam up if a guy gets too mushy. A guy who falls fast and gives you a cutesy nickname and wants to spend all his time with you right away is a giant red flag for you. A guy who’s in touch with his feelings may be a dream come true for some girls, but for you, it’s a nightmare.
  9. You’ll run in the other direction if things move too fast. When you do find a guy you have strong feelings for, it’s not exactly the wonderful experience you were hoping for. In fact, the one way you can always tell you’re into a guy is if you get the urge to run away and never speak to him again.
  10. It all sounds so cliche. Real life isn’t like The Notebook. It isn’t a romantic comedy where everything works out in the end. Professing your undying love for someone isn’t romantic to you — it’s terrifying, and you want no part of it.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.