Dealing with manipulative people is demoralizing and infuriating even when you’re hip to their tricks. The tough part is that many people like this are really underhanded with their methods, so sometimes you don’t even realize what’s happening until way down the line. There are telling signs, of course, many of which come in the form of the things they say. These phrases are big favorites of manipulative people as they’re often successful at tearing the target down so they can better be molded to the manipulator’s whims. Keep an ear out!
1. “You’re too sensitive.”
First of all, let’s get one thing clear: having a sensitive nature is a strength, not a weakness. However, trying to weaponize the fact that you have feelings is a classic tactic manipulative people use to undermine them and make you doubt yourself. It’s a way for them to gain control over the situation by diminishing the importance of your feelings. But here’s the thing – your emotions are entirely valid. Trusting them is a must, even when someone tries to convince you otherwise.
When someone dismisses your emotions as excessive sensitivity, it can lead to self-doubt and a loss of confidence in your own judgment. Remember that your feelings are your own, and no one else should have the power to diminish them or make you feel small for experiencing them. Trust your gut and your ability to perceive and react to situations. You have the right to validate your feelings and stand by them.
2. “You’re overreacting.”
Similar to the “too sensitive” phrase, manipulative people may try to downplay your reactions by telling you that you’re overreacting (even when many times, you’re probably underreacting). Their goal is to make you question your judgment and make you believe that your responses are exaggerated. However, it’s crucial to recognize that your feelings and reactions are genuine and based on your own experiences.
When someone tells you that you’re overreacting, they are attempting to undermine your confidence in your own perceptions. It’s important not to fall for this tactic. Trust your instincts and emotions. If something feels wrong or makes you uncomfortable, acknowledge and address those feelings. Your reactions are valid, and you have the right to express them.
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4. “I was just joking.”
You’ve probably heard plenty of hurtful comments over the years followed by the phrase, “I was just joking.” Manipulative people use this tactic to avoid taking responsibility for their hurtful words or actions. They want to make you feel like you’re taking things too seriously or that you’re misunderstanding their intentions.
However, you need to know that hurtful comments disguised as jokes can be a form of gaslighting. Gaslighting is a manipulative technique where someone tries to make you doubt your own perceptions and reality. Don’t allow someone to invalidate your feelings or make you feel like you’re the one in the wrong for being hurt by their words.
5. “You always do this.”
Manipulative people often use this phrase to generalize your behavior and create a negative image of you. Their aim is to make you feel perpetually at fault, which can have a significant impact on your self-esteem and overall confidence.
When someone repeatedly tells you that you “always” do something negative or undesirable, it’s crucial to recognize this as a manipulation tactic. Be vigilant for patterns of blame and manipulation in your relationships. Remember that everyone makes mistakes and has imperfections, but it doesn’t define your entire character. Healthy relationships involve mutual respect and understanding, not constant blame.
6. “You’re so lucky to have me.”
Manipulative people are adept at mixing flattery with guilt to maintain control over you. By making you feel fortunate to have them in your life, they manipulate you into accepting their behavior or fulfilling their requests, even when it’s not in your best interest.
It’s important to understand that you deserve to be in relationships where both parties respect and support each other. You shouldn’t feel beholden to someone who tries to make you feel indebted or lucky to have them. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, not on one person’s perceived superiority.
7. “You don’t understand.”
When manipulative people tell you that you don’t understand, they’re obviously trying to belittle your perspective and knowledge. Their goal is to make you feel ignorant or incapable so that you become more reliant on their guidance.
However, you need to have confidence in your own abilities and knowledge. Seek out objective information to confirm your understanding of a situation or topic. Remember that everyone has unique perspectives, and just because someone disagrees with you doesn’t mean you lack understanding or intelligence.
8. “You owe me.”
Manipulative people may use a sense of obligation to pressure you into doing things for them. This can create a toxic power dynamic in the relationship, where you constantly feel indebted and controlled by their demands.
Obviously you’re not obligated to fulfill unreasonable demands or expectations from anyone. Healthy relationships are built on reciprocity and mutual respect, not on manipulation or coercion. Setting clear boundaries and asserting your right to say “no” is a must for maintaining your emotional well-being and autonomy.
