8 Tips to Become a Better Sexter

8 Tips to Become a Better Sexter ©iStock/Geber86

In 2015, knowing how to flirt via text is almost more essential than being able to flirt in real life. But after you’ve been out on a date or two, your texting might move into sexting. Some people think that sexting is all about sending hot, naked photos of yourself to a guy, and while that can be a part of it, there’s so much more. Sexting is the new seduction. You can make a guy fall for you just by sending the right sentences to his smart phone but it’s not just saying a bunch of vulgar stuff you’ve heard in sex movies to him to turn him on. Here are tips on how to become a master of sexting seduction.

  1. Know your audience. If you’ve moved to the sexting stage with a guy, you (hopefully) know him fairly well. What turns one guy on in sexts can be a turn-off for another. Think back to your conversations (both in real life and via text) and pick up on what he finds sexy. Did he mention that he’s still obsessed with the Reese Witherspoon/Sarah Michelle Gellar makeout in Cruel Intentions? You can tell him that he’s your Sebastian Valmont and you need him to help you with your homework. Is he into sports? Tell him you want to cheerlead for his favorite team in next to nothing. Whatever it is, make sure it’s personal and tailored to the guy you’re sexting. There’s nothing worse than feeling like you’re receiving a recycled sext.
  2. Don’t go from 0-60. It can be tempting to go straight for the money text while sexting. You’ve started, he’s responded, and it’s getting hot. Patience grasshopper. You have to let the momentum build, and if you get too kinky too quickly, it could be a turnoff. He might think that you’re desperate or have an uncontrollable libido. You need to lay the groundwork and see where it goes on it’s own. Never say hello and then immediately send a nude or semi-nude photo. That’s way too aggressive and abrasive. At some point, if you two are on the same flow, he might subtly suggest that he wouldn’t mind a sexy photo and then you have the green light. It’s important not to move the sexting too quickly or it could combust.
  3. Less is more. I know, I know. You’re thinking, “WTF? We’re sexting. How is less more?” It is. You want to lure him in, captivate him and have him dying to hear what you’re going to say next. This also applies to photos. A provocative photo is much sexier than putting it all out there. Dress up in a sexy outfit or negligee so his imagination can run wild. You never want to put it all out on the table because you want to keep him coming back for more.
  4. Puns are fun. Puns or creative responses are always a bonus. Think of something fun like, “Oh, you’re 50 Shade of (insert his last name here)” or making a sexual pun. Not only will it get the guy going but it will show that you are fun and playful and creative and who doesn’t want to be with a girl who’s all of those things? No one. That’s who. While these sexy puns are encouraged you can only use a maximum of 3 per sext session. If you get too cutesy it can undercut the sexual tension you’ve created.
  5. Be vulnerable. Sexting someone is the easiest way to be open and honest. There’s no reason not to be 100% open and honest. There’s nothing sexier than showing someone that you trust them enough to share your intimate thoughts and fantasies. If you’re all about using provocative language and not about really sharing, the guy will pick up on that.
  6. Timing is everything. Yes, we all know this is an annoying fact of life, but the actual time of day is everything, too. If you know your sext partner puts in late hours at the office, no matter how much he’s into you, he probably doesn’t want to get a sext right before a conference call. Also be mindful if his parents happen to be visiting or if you know he frequents Sunday brunch with his bros. 10pm is usually a guaranteed  safe time but pay attention to your guy’s schedule. You wouldn’t want him opening a sext while he’s with his buddies and having them see it.
  7. Never say, “Ew.” If you’re engaged in sexting, you need to have an open mind. If your sext partner says something (that isn’t violent or hurtful), never say ew. Just like you can’t see his face, he can’t see yours. Even if you’re repulsed by something he’s suggested don’t ever shame him and say he’s disgusting or you will never do that with him. Instead, try to re-direct the conversation by saying that you think XYZ would be much sexier. Sexuality is incredibly personal and intimate and even though you shouldn’t do anything that you are not 100% on board with you should never sext shame someone because they’re into something you aren’t.
  8. If you send photos, always cut your head out. Whenever you send a suggestive or naked photo, for God’s sakes, cut your head out. It’s the most important lesson we can learn from J. Law and Blake Lively (bet you forgot about her leaked nudes). While it’s totally normal to send photos like this to your gentleman caller, you never know when they could come back to bite you in your naked ass.
Abby Stern grew up in New Orleans and is now an actress, screenwriter, and blogger (who isn't?) trying to keep it real in Los Angeles. She also writes for FabFitFun and contributes to various blogs detailing her unique perspective on dating and twenty-something life in Hollywood. Gwyneth Paltrow is her spirit animal and in her free time, Abby enjoys Bellinis and plotting to steal unattended Birkin bags. Follow her on Twitter: @abbystern