There are certain guys in this world that should absolutely, positively be off your list of potential hook-ups. 100%. Forever. Always. The sad truth is that you’re probably going to ignore me. When you’re feeling a little extra needy, extra lonely, or extra infused with alcohol, sometimes logic goes out the window. When it happens, don’t say I didn’t warn you. These are the guys that should be OFF LIMITS:
Any of your friends’ boyfriends.
Do I actually even need to say this? I don’t care if it’s a boyfriend, a “thing” or an “it’s complicated.” I don’t want to hear any lame excuses: this one should be obvious. Sadly, it’s not.
The guy who works the counter at your favorite takeout place.
Because, damn it, hooking up with your hipster crush who works at Sweetgreen is just not worth the risk of having to give up the crunchy salad-y goodness forever if it goes sour.
Your brother’s friends.
Partially because you grew up with them and knew them when they were still making fart noises with their armpits. Partially because if the tables were turned and your brother dated any of your friends, you’d die.
You friend’s brother.
You’ll give your friend the eebie jeebies for years to come. She’ll never forgive you. And if it doesn’t work out, can you imagine having to run into him again years later at your friend’s wedding? Awkward.
Your friendly local man-whore.
He’s the one who keeps dropping tidbits about the many girls he hooks up with. This is a classic guy move to send a signal out to the world: “I’m available!” There’s a reason he can’t seem to commit, and that reason is that he’s an awful human being.
Because as much as we love Joan Holloway, the frisky antics of the Mad Men girls make us, well, MAD. Your colleagues won’t take you seriously, and neither will the other higher-ups. Also, you put yourself in a position to be taken advantage of. Badly.
Your next door neighbor.
It seems like a good idea at the time. I mean, it sure is convenient, I’ll give you that. But will you hate yourself when you hear his next conquest moaning through the walls?
He’s your ex for a reason, remember?
Anyone from your high school after you’ve already graduated.
I get it. That sense of familiarity comes flooding over you. It’s a throwback to when you were young, carefree, and frankly, a lot more fun than you are now that you’ve got a 9-5 and a rent bill to pay. But you’re not 18 anymore. You’re a grown-ass woman. Start acting like one.
There you have it. Now get out there and do your thing, girlfriend — just not with any of the guys above!
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