Relationship breaks can be emotionally painful and difficult to navigate but they’re often necessary to salvage a partnership and keep it from ending for good. If you have recently taken a step back from your partner and the two of you are in agreement that you’d like to give it another shot, here are a few suggestions for how you can reconnect and reignite the flame after taking a break from your relationship.
- Acknowledge the past without dwelling in it. When you get back together with a partner after a break, it’s important to acknowledge that there were problems in your relationship and face those problems head-on without keeping them present in the current moment. If you constantly dwell in the past, it’s only a matter of time before resentment starts to build. If it does, you’ll never be able to let the past go and move forward together.
- Hold yourself and each other accountable. When you’re acknowledging the past and communicating about it with each other, it’s important that you both take accountability for your share of whatever problems your relationship was facing before. The goal is not to place blame and get into another fight, but rather to come to terms with the fact that you both made mistakes. You both have work to do but you want to do that work because you want your relationship to last.
- Come up with an agreement about sharing information. When couples decide to take breaks, they sometimes agree that they won’t date other people during that time. However, there are cases in which dating around isn’t off the table. If you or your partner saw other people while on your break, you need to decide when reconnecting how much information each of you wants about what the other did during this time. Make sure you’re comfortable with hearing about people your partner potentially dated during your break if you ask for it. Consider how this information will make you feel. How it might affect your efforts to rekindle your relationship. It’s okay if you don’t want to know about what happened and want to just move forward.
- Talk about what you’ve been feeling since the break started. One of the things that needs to be discussed is how you felt during the break. Were you happy that you had the time to think and figure out what you wanted? Were you miserable the entire time, missing them? Be honest and open with each other about how the break affected you. It will be beneficial in the healing process.
- Have a game plan for how things will be different this time. You can’t just jump right back into the relationship and continue doing things the way you were before. That’s what caused you to separate in the first place. During your discussion about the break, come up with a new way of doing things in your relationship and a new strategy for handling issues that will arise in the future. This is a good way to prevent your relationship from heading in a downward spiral again.
- Treat your relationship as if it’s brand new. After you get back together, it’s important to remember what drew you to each other in the first place. Treat your relationship like you did when you first met and don’t hold back on any of the romance! Go on dates, spend quality time together, and don’t be afraid to get lovey-dovey. Being affectionate and falling in love all over again is a great way to rekindle the flame.
- Communicate your wants and needs continuously. Communication is key to healthy and happy relationships so, don’t let your thoughts fall through the cracks. Talk to your partner when you need something or want something that you’re not getting out of the relationship. Be honest with them because without communication, issues are bound to come up quickly.
- Respect each other’s boundaries and requests. Things likely will change quite a bit when you get back together, so be mindful of the fact that both of you will have things that you need from the relationship in order for it to work this time. Boundaries are very important in relationships and you and your partner both need to respect them. For example, if one of the issues you had in the past was cheating or one of you feeling insecure about who the other was talking to, understand that your partner might not want you communicating with certain people that caused issues in your relationship in the past. This could be an ex, someone you have a past with, someone who makes them feel uncomfortable, etc. There’s a difference between a partner controlling who you speak to and there being an actual issue with someone that caused problems in your relationship.
- Get creative with your time together. Part of reconnecting after a break is keeping things exciting and fresh. Get creative with your quality time together. Go on trips, go to places you’ve never been before, and experience things you’ve never done before. Doing new and exciting things will give you both a sense of adventure and light-heartedness. Many times, relationships grow stale or stagnant, and doing more fun things together can prevent that from happening again.
- Commit to rebuilding trust. Many times, after a break, relationships need to rebuild trust that was broken. It’s important for both of you to realize that this takes time and patience. If you want your relationship to work this time around, you need to commit to rebuilding that trust and accepting that it won’t always be easy or fast.
- Take time to yourself when needed. Oftentimes, relationships face issues because couples simply need time and space to find their own identities. Don’t be afraid to express to your partner if you need time to just be alone and have time to yourself. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and if the two of you have your time apart, you’ll be that much happier when you’re back together again.
- Seek outside help if needed. There’s nothing wrong with calling in help when needed. Many couples suffer through their issues alone because they’re too ashamed of going to counseling or therapy when the truth is, professional help could be the thing that saves their relationship. Counselors can help both of you learn how to communicate with one another in a constructive and healthy way. They can help you find better ways to work through your problems and prevent future issues by teaching you coping mechanisms. You should never be afraid of reaching out for help. If you want to reconnect with your partner after taking a relationship break, this could be key.
