After dating lots of guys who brought drama and stress to my life, I’ve learned a common quality these toxic men shared was that they didn’t have their actt together and expected me to deal with it. No thanks — I won’t waste my time on them anymore. Here are some things these types of guys do that are giant red flags and instantly put me off:
They’re crashing on their friend’s couch.
If the guy is in his 30s and still lives like a college student, it’s a turnoff. I don’t want to feel like I’m at a frat party when I go to his friend’s place or have to step over empty pizza boxes and piles of dirty underwear to get to the bathroom. Even if his friend’s cool, there’s no privacy for my BF and me when I’m at his place. Ugh. He needs to grow up and get his own life going.
They never pay for dates.
If I’m always the one having to reach for my purse after dinner, I’m going to become annoyed. Come on, I want to be with someone who can meet me halfway and treat me like a lady! Obviously, I’m happy to pick up the tab from time to time, but not EVERY time.
They don’t take care of themselves.
A grown man who has his act together will take care of himself. I don’t want a guy who drinks a lot and thinks nothing of going to work hungover, or who thinks that junk food is a perfectly fine dinner to have every night. It sucks because then I end up playing the role of his mother, whining at him to look after himself, instead of his girlfriend.
They’re always trying to “get back on their feet.”
A classic example of a guy who doesn’t have his act together is the guy who’s always going through a rough patch. If it isn’t that his car’s broken again or that he’s in between jobs, it’s something else. Oh, and it’s always someone else’s fault. Can he not take some responsibility in order to get his life on track?
They’re threatened by successful women.
I don’t want to feel like the guy I’m dating is threatened by how well-adjusted and successful I might be. That just makes things feel so awkward. I want someone who has his life together so that we can be on the same level and feel happy about each other’s success.
They only talk about themselves.
Guys who don’t have their lives together tend to talk about it — a lot. God, it’s annoying, especially because what they say is always so negative. Yeah, they’re going through a rough patch, but I don’t want to have to hear about it 24/7. A conversation involves two people, not just one giving a monologue.
Their plans are always too crazy.
They have a plan for how they’re going to fix their lives but they’re usually crazy, unrealistic schemes and I know they’re going to fail. I can’t say so, though, so I have to pretend to be super happy otherwise, it’s going to be a fight. Ugh. It’s hard to be supportive when someone isn’t taking their lives seriously or thinks that they’re going to make it big from a minimal effort on their part.
They can’t hold down a job.
When guys say they’re in-between jobs or they’re unlucky with the kinds of jobs they’ve had so far, my warning bells sound. This is okay if they’re in their early twenties, but once they hit 30, they should be on a slightly more stable career path.
They don’t have their own lives.
A guy who’s got his life together also has his social life sorted. He’s got friends and a life he’s happy to be living. He isn’t going to depend on me to make him happy or revolve his life around me, and that’s creepy AF.
They don’t know what they want.
I’ve dated guys who were happy to get me to help them through their rough patches until it was convenient to let me go. Then they’d use lies on me, like that they had to focus on improving their lives so they couldn’t be in a committed relationship. In other words, when I wasn’t useful anymore, I was tossed aside. I don’t need this drama! It’s better to be with someone who’s already got their acts together and doesn’t resort to manipulating me.
They dish out the drama.
As a guy’s girlfriend, I don’t want to have to take on all his stress and problems. Sure, in every relationship there should be support for each other, but it’s not cool when a guy is a drama magnet and also sends all that drama my way. It’s messed up! I won’t clean up a guy’s mess anymore.
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