Am I An Overgiver? Signs You Give Too Much In Relationships

When you find someone you truly care about and who feels the same about you, it’s natural to want to do what you can to make your partner happy. While being generous and willing to compromise are a vital part of any long-term relationship, it can’t be one-sided. There is such a thing as doing too much, and if you’re guilty of this, it can definitely be to your detriment. Here are some signs you’re an overgiver that you may not recognize.

  1. You go out of your way to make your partner’s life easier. There’s nothing wrong with chipping in to help your partner when they’re going through a stressful time or are exceptionally busy. However, when you start taking over half of their daily responsibilities that are just normal, everyday things that everyone has to do, that’s over the top. They’re adults—they can handle it. If they can’t, that’s not your problem.
  2. You prefer to do all the household chores rather than ask your partner to chip in. The two of you live in the same house and equally contribute to the mess that’s made there, but you’re the only person who does all the cleaning. Your partner isn’t incapable or unwilling, you just never give them a chance to pull their weight. Instead, you take on all of the cleaning and organization yourself because you don’t want to “bother” them with it.
  3. You put your partner’s needs first and end up neglecting your own. Of course your partner’s needs are important and should be considered, but what about yours? If you’re constantly ignoring the things you want and need in order to make sure your partner’s are met, that’s a problem. It’s even worse if they allow this to happen. Why aren’t they concerned with making sure you’re fulfilled and happy too?
  4. You’re not good at receiving gifts, gestures, etc. You love giving gifts, offering romantic or helpful gestures, and generally going out of your way for your partner, but when they offer the same in return, it’s like you freeze and just don’t know what to do. An overgiver is never good at being taken care of because you’re always the caretaker. That’s not fair and it’s not right. You deserve to be spoiled sometimes too!
  5. Your partner no longer appreciates what you do – it’s just expected. Your partner used to go overboard thanking you every time you did something for them, but these days, you’ve been doing basically everything for them for so long, they just expect it. As an overgiver, you often end up being taken for granted even if the other person doesn’t realize that’s what they’re doing. It feels terrible.
  6. You feel emotionally and mentally exhausted but can’t pinpoint why. There’s nothing really wrong in your life, but for some reason, you just feel mentally and emotionally drained. This is because as an overgiver, you’re overextending yourself in every way, leaving nothing behind. It’s only natural that you can no longer pour from an empty cup.
  7. You start to resent your partner. You don’t know why, but you start to feel annoyed by your partner and the fact that they don’t seem to be contributing much to the relationship. This isn’t really their fault since you’ve always done things before they’ve had the chance to and they’ve no doubt gotten used to letting you take the reins. Relationships like this can never survive long-term.
Jennifer Still is a writer and editor with more than 10 years of experience. The managing editor of Bolde, she has bylines in Vanity Fair, Business Insider, The New York Times, Glamour, Bon Appetit, and many more. You can follow her on Twitter @jenniferlstill