You’re a total catch, but that doesn’t make dating any easier. In fact, it could be why it’s so hard to find a happy, healthy relationship. Here are 14 reasons why your awesomeness could be to blame for your lackluster love life — and why you shouldn’t give up even when dating seriously sucks.
Why dating sucks so much
- You don’t play games but others do. You’re honest and would rather be real than play foolish games to try to keep men interested. Sadly, many men are playing games these days — it’s just that we call them “mixed messages” instead of games. You’d rather be single than deal with such childishness, and rightfully so.
- You’re genuinely nice and get taken advantage of. Being kind can bite you in the butt because of how horribly toxic people will treat the good people of this world. Prepare to get taken advantage of by bad men who steamroll over you. Ugh. A good rule to follow is to be kind to those who truly deserve it so you don’t become a doormat.
- You don’t swipe right for attention like others do. Some people use dating apps like Tinder to get attention. They’ll swipe right just to show interest in the hope of getting attention back. What are we, five years old? You’re on that app to meet someone who’s really interested, but these losers are wasting your time.
- You put in effort but live in a lazy world. You’re a person who doesn’t expect your partner to do everything. You’re all about meeting them halfway and working on making the relationship work. It sucks because so many guys are lazy AF, expecting you to chase them and then keep the relationship going. This is one of the biggest reasons that dating sucks.
- You’re not nuts, but it feels like you’re in the minority. It sounds ludicrous to say that not being nuts should be something that makes dating suck, but it’s true. There are many legitimately unhinged people out there who are making dating a minefield. As a sane, healthy woman in the dating world, it’s so tough to find people who are right in the head.
- You’re a cheerleader but it’s hard to find support. When you’re in a relationship, you’re always eager to show your boyfriend support, like when he gets a work promotion or his soccer team wins their league. Sometimes it’s hard to find people who will support you in return. If they’re not jealous of your success, they’re sometimes too selfish to care about it. Ugh.
- You make your own way, only to get rejected. You’re not a gold digger or hoping to find a man to rescue you. You’re independent, have a thriving career and make your own money. The problem? Some men are intimidated by this. You can’t win!
- Your standards have to keep you warm at night. You can’t date without having high standards in place to ensure you love yourself first and don’t put up with disrespect. It’s not always easy. Sometimes you keep meeting men who aren’t up to your standards, tempting you to lower them. But you don’t, of course — you know that your happiness is the most important thing, much more important than finding a guy.
- You live bold in an insecure world. You’re not an insecure woman. In fact, you just don’t see the point of being jealous of your boyfriend’s ex or worrying that your boyfriend’s going to leave. But the problem with being confident is that you might attract all the insecure men who are drawn to your bold presence. You don’t need that crap.
- You don’t deal in drama but it’s some people’s currency. You’re quite a chilled woman and don’t like to bring stress to relationships. The problem you might face is that you’re a magnet for drama despite this! What gives? Toxic men try to corrupt you or charm you so they can benefit from your stress-free life. They’re hoping that since you have your act together, you’ll help them with theirs. Nope, sorry.
- You actually use your phone. What’s the point of having a cell phone if you’re not going to use it? When chatting to a guy you like, you make an effort to text him back even if you’re busy AF. It’s the decent thing to do and if you enjoy chatting you make it known. If everyone could just stop hiding behind their screens and actually speak to each other, there wouldn’t be a need for nonsense like ghosting.
- You’re not a hookup person but hooking up is the norm. We live in a hookup culture, but you’re looking for something meaningful. It’s not easy because everywhere you turn, there are guys asking you what you’re wearing, sending you penis pictures instead of asking about your day, and saying they’re “not ready” for relationships but hoping you’re down for Netflix and chill. It’s no wonder dating sucks so much.
- You actually put your real pic on Tinder. You don’t judge people according to their looks, but you want to be sure that there’s attraction between you and the men you meet online. So, you’ll put your real, un-Photoshopped images on dating apps. Sadly, not many people do — men included — which makes your dating app attempts a catfish disaster waiting to happen.
- You don’t know what it means to settle. You see people settling for mediocre relationships all around you, but you’re just not hardwired to do that. You want the great love, the love that brings something positive to your life, and isn’t all hard work and no fun. It’s really hard to find it when there are average relationships all over the place for the taking, but the wait for something better is worth it!
Why you shouldn’t give up even though dating can be miserable
If you’re tempted to give up on dating because you can’t handle one more disappointment or because you feel like there’s just no point, you’re not alone. There’s no use denying that it’s hard out there for a woman who wears her heart on her sleeve and keeps striking out with guys who just aren’t on her level. “Dating today is tough, can we just validate that first?” says Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT, co-founder of Wright Wellness Center. “It’s so common for older generations to trivialize or compare. But there’s really no use. Dating. Today. Is. Hard.”
The idea is that recognizing and accepting that your path to finding love is likely going to be full of adversity will make staying the course a little bit easier. You expect challenges ahead, but you also know you’re capable of overcoming them. Remind yourself of that every time you’re tempted to give up dating for good.
- You have no reason to quit. You may think that you do. Work is really busy. You want to see your BFFs more. You’re frustrated by dating apps and crappy dates. Sure, those things are definitely true. But they happen to everyone and so you really have no actual reasons to stop trying to find love, so stop telling yourself that you do.
- You’re going to feel worse. The simple fact is that if you stop looking for love, you’re going to feel even worse than you do right now. And yes, that’s totally possible. You may not have to deal with being ignored by guys you like or wondering if a date will go well, but you WILL have to deal with wondering if you made a mistake and if you’ll ever find love. Those thoughts are easier to handle when you’re actually trying.
- Deep down, you want to date. You may not believe this, but you actually want to date. You want to get out there in the world and meet new guys and see if you click. If you didn’t want that, you wouldn’t be lamenting the lack of good guys out there and you certainly wouldn’t be thinking about giving up on love.
- You need to have some trust. Sometimes life has a funny way of working out and giving you exactly what you need at the time. If you can just have some trust that you’re going to find love, you’ll realize there’s no point giving up entirely. Not everything comes super easily and quickly. It’s okay to be patient.
- You give a damn, and that’s a good thing. If you didn’t care about falling in love again, then the thought of giving up would never have ever crossed your mind. When you’re working toward a goal and failing, you wonder if you should just stop. That proves that love means a lot to you. Remember that and keep going.
- Even the worst dating experiences can teach you something. If you give up on dating, you’re going to miss out on meeting so many amazing people. Even if a date ends in disaster or you go out with a weirdo who’s nothing like the person they pretended to be on some dating app, you’ll still leave the experience with a great story and potentially some excellent insight into what you want and how to get it. “If you can go into the date looking to learn about that person and about life and not focus on the potential outcome, you’ll enjoy it a hell of a lot more,” Wright points out.
- You’re going to get bitter. So what if dating sucks? When you think that there’s no reason to keep trying, you’re not only asking to be totally miserable but you’re going to be pretty bitter too. And good luck keeping your friends and family around. Who wants to listen to that all the time? While no one can stop you if you decide to give up on dating, you also can’t expect anyone to put up with how obnoxious it’s going to make you.
- It only takes one. While it might take you a while to find “The One,” the whole point is that it only takes one. You only need to find your person once and then bam, there they are. But how can you expect that to happen if you give up on dating? The best thing you can do is to keep on trucking. Sure, take a break if you need to every now and then, but never give up on love. You’ll regret it if you do, no matter how much dating sucks.