Most of us probably don’t think about what we’re saying all that often — who wants to police their language all the time? — but we probably should. There are certain things we might be saying or phrases we might be using that not only undermine our credibility but also make us look bad. If you’re guilty of peppering your conversations with any of the following, you might want to stop, or you could end up looking weak and insecure.
1. “Just”
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This little word minimizes what you say! Think about the difference between “I just want to make a point…” vs. “I want to make a point…” The first one subconsciously weakens your statement, even if the idea itself is great.
2. “I think…” or “I feel…”
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Starting your sentences this way is a habit, not a necessity. It’s fine sometimes, but overusing it makes you sound unsure. Instead, state your opinions as facts! Not arrogantly, but with the confidence that your viewpoint has value. Of course, if you are talking about something totally subjective, that’s a different story. You don’t want to come off like an arrogant know-it-all!
3. “Does that make sense?”
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Checking for understanding like this is okay once in a while, especially if explaining something complex, per Leadership Success. But tagging it onto the end of every explanation undermines your authority. Trust that you communicated clearly, and wait for actual questions before assuming you didn’t.
4. “Actually…”
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This one’s tricky, as there are times “actually” is needed to correct a factual error. However, habitually starting disagreements with it makes you sound needlessly combative. Try softening it to “Interesting perspective, but consider this…” or simply rephrase your point without the unnecessary emphasis.
5. “Sorry, but…”
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Over-apologizing weakens your stance. If you need to disagree or ask for something, do it without the preemptive apology. It doesn’t mean being rude, just owning your right to speak up without feeling like you’re inconveniencing others.
6. “I don’t know…”
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It’s way better to admit you don’t know something than to fake it, but instead of leaving it at that, reframe it. Try, “I’m not sure off the top of my head, but let me find that out for you,” or, “I don’t have that expertise, but perhaps [someone who does] can help.”
7. “Kind of” or “Sort of”
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These words dilute your statements, making you sound vague and unsure. Be specific and decisive with your language! Instead of “I kind of agree,” try “I agree with your main point, but would also add…” Show you’re engaged with the idea, not tentatively on board.
8. “Umm…” and “Uh…”
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Everyone uses filler words sometimes, but too many undermine your credibility, CNBC notes. Slow down your speech slightly – pausing briefly is way more powerful than filling gaps with meaningless sounds. Practice in low-stress situations to retrain your brain!
9. “To be honest…”
We use this intending to sound genuine, but it has the opposite effect! It subconsciously makes the listener wonder why you wouldn’t usually be honest. Skip the preface and just, well… be honest by default.
10. Phrases that put the focus on others: “Do you mind if…” or “Is it okay if…”
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Asking permission is occasionally necessary, but overuse makes you sound like you’re always seeking approval. Be clear about what you need or intend to do, then give people the chance to object if necessary. For example, instead of “Is it okay if I take the lead on this?” try “I’m going to take the lead on this – any concerns?”
11. Upspeak (raising your pitch at the end of statements so they sound like questions?)
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This isn’t just about the words, but how you say them. Upspeak is a subconscious habit, especially for women, that makes you seem unsure of your own statements. Practice speaking in a slightly lower register, with your pitch falling at the end of sentences.
12. Qualifiers: “A little…” “Maybe…” “Perhaps…”
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These make you sound like you’re hedging your bets. If your words require softening for the sake of diplomacy, choose them carefully rather than relying on these vague qualifiers that weaken your stance overall.
13. Exaggeration: “I’m SO stressed” or “I have a MILLION things to do”
Hyperbole dilutes the meaning of your words. Plus, it unintentionally minimizes the struggles of those with genuine stress or overwhelming workloads. Choose language that accurately reflects your situation without excessive drama.
14. Self-deprecating humor
Making the occasional joke at your own expense is fine, of course — a little self-deprecation can be hilarious! — but constantly tearing yourself down isn’t charming, it trains people to see you as less-than. Ditch the “I’m the worst” comments, and rely on wit that doesn’t devalue you.
15. Gossiping
Talking negatively about others shows insecurity, not superiority. It makes people question whether you’ll do the same to them behind their backs. Elevating yourself by putting others down is a short-term strategy at best, and damages your reputation far more than it helps.
16. Complaints (especially without offering solutions)
Everyone vents sometimes. But, chronic complaining makes you seem like a negative, draining person to be around. Focus on overcoming problems or making constructive changes, and you’ll earn respect instead of eye rolls.
17. Excuses
Things go wrong, mistakes happen. Own up to them! Endless excuses erode trust and show you’re more focused on dodging blame than taking responsibility. A simple explanation and a focus on making it right is far more powerful.
18. “I can’t…”
This phrase, especially without further explanation, makes you seem shut down to possibilities. Instead, try “That’s not possible right now, but here’s what I can do…” It shows flexibility and demonstrates you’re willing to find solutions, even if the original ask isn’t achievable.
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