I’ve Been With My Boyfriend For 3 Years But I Still Have Secrets From Him

I know I’m not the only one who keeps secrets from my partner. I set up all these lies at the beginning of the relationship and I’m still feeding them after three whole years. Oops?

  1. He doesn’t know that I was dating someone else during the first month we were together. When I first met my boyfriend, he struck me as the type who would get awkward if I told him I was dating someone else at the same time so I just never brought it up. I know that’s not generally a good idea. First of all, it makes you seem more desirable when you let the other person know you’re still seeing other people, but I felt like it would kill the romantic vibe and maybe even offend him so I kept it inside and I’m still afraid to tell him.
  2. He also doesn’t know that he was my first long-term relationship. I have a tendency to be a serial dater, but I felt kinda embarrassed to admit that in the beginning phases of our courtship so I just pretended that I’ve been in long-term relationships so he didn’t think I was some flaky girl who would find reasons to break up with him three months in. He still doesn’t know that he’s my first serious boyfriend, but that’s fine. I’m just so sure that he would look at me differently if he knew the truth.
  3. I said that I’ve only slept with four guys, but it’s really more like 24. When I first started dating him, I knew he was the type of guy who liked an “innocent” girl. Someone who didn’t sleep around and is kinda pure in a way. There’s no way I was gonna tell him my real number so I opted for something more modest. He seemed to think that was acceptable so we just left it at that. Little does he know, more than 24 guys have been where he’s been. He’d probably kill me if he knew I lied to him about that.
  4. I’ll say I’ve done certain sexual things when I really haven’t. There have been so many times in the heat of the moment when my boyfriend wanted to try something and he’d be like, “You’ve done this before, right?” Instead of being honest, I’d try to act cool and be like, “Yeah, of course!” I’m basically as vanilla as they come, but he thinks I’m super kinky.
  5. I haven’t told him that I plan on moving to a different city in the next few years. I don’t have outright plans yet, but if the opportunity to move to New York or LA presents itself, I’m definitely going. My career comes before him but he doesn’t know that.
  6. If he ever found out about this stuff, he’d probably dump me. I know I’m being a little over-dramatic with this, but I’m not willing to risk losing him for something I lied about three years ago. What we don’t know can’t kill us and I’d rather have to keep these secrets inside of me for the rest of my life than be honest and potentially cause a breakup.
  7. I’m confident I can keep these secrets until I die. It’s not going to be easy, but I’m pretty sure I can keep these secrets forever. I mean, people do stuff like this all the time and I doubt that he would be asking about stuff that’s happened three years ago at this point. We’re focused on the future.
  8. I wonder what kind of secrets he’s keeping from me. If I’m hiding all these secrets, I wonder what skeletons he has in his closet. My friends have told me stories about how they’ll secretly meet up with their exes on a regular basis and not tell their boyfriends and now I’m thinking, what if he’s doing the same thing? If I can lie about all this stuff, why can’t he?
  9. Keeping this stuff from him can get kinda stressful. Make no mistake, it is not easy to keep all this information on lockdown. There are times when I want to spill all the beans, but then I chicken out. I’d rather him think that I’m the angel he signed up for.
  10. I’m doing it to protect him. He’s a sensitive guy. I knew that from the beginning which was the main reason why I held back in telling him the truth. He doesn’t need to know all this stuff because it’s just going to stress him out. The rest of our relationship is just fine, so this is really no big deal in the grand scheme of things.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.